if you have to put your child on a leash, maybe you shouldn't have children. or, you could get a dog. but only if you can properly care for it. on second thought, maybe fish are the way to go for you just yet. or plants. start with a nice ficus.
i don't care if you enjoy the comedy of Dane Cook or not, the "nothing fight" is real, and i witnessed one live. in all it's ridiculous glory. some choice quotes: (in annoying girl voice) "you seriously could have marked on the pavement where my feet were and they would have been in the same spot. cuz i didn't move." and "first of all, i didn't move. and second, i'm not a dog. you can't just tell me to stay and expect me to stay in that spot." (response in macho manly voice) "oh, so you are saying you moved?" (girl, nearly squealing) "no! because i didn't move." (dude) "you basically just said you did. and it's fine, i know you did because you weren't there when i looked for you." it was epic, i tell you. i almost went over to the kettle corn booth for refreshments midway through.
i think my life would be better if i had an unfortunate older brother like Drama (from Entourage). he would wear cut-off sleeves, be unaware of how comparatively unattractive he was, and not understand the comedy he brought to my world. and i would love him. i also wouldn't mind having a Turtle. he's adorable.
when fireman at a nice community street festival offer to put a spray-on tattoo of a butterfly on your 4 year old daughter, for the love of God don't insist she get a tramp stamp! she wanted it on her arm like a respectable pre-schooler. but no. you just had to go there, trashy mom. "like mother, like daughter" is a very sad fate for your little munchkin.
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