i fully recognize that i've already done listy posts, but as i said before, i dig lists. big time. and after working a long, hard, busy week, the last thing i want to do is come home and think too hard. therefore, i give you another list. this time, for post eighteen, i honor every American citizen's voting rights (bequeathed at age eighteen) with a list of crazy laws. why? because ridiculous laws still exist in every state regardless of whether you voted them in or not. oh, and because many are down-right hilarious.
Alabama: It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. (i guess that means my Mario costume is out)
Alaska: Moose may not be viewed from an airplane. (i'll look at a moose whenever i want, thank you very much)
Arizona: You may not have more than two dildos in a house. (how many does a girl need, really?)
Arkansas: A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (she's gotta have some time to heal, obviously)
California: Women may not drive in a house coat. (women really shouldn't do much of anything in a house coat)
Colorado: One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. (how does one mutilate a rock?)
Connecticut: In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. (i like my pickles extra bouncy)
Deleware: It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink. (they've really got your back in the "First State")
Florida: Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (strapless is the most flattering, though)
Georgia: It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (anywhere else and you're a go to drop the f-bomb)
Hawaii: Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (what if it's magic?)
Idaho: You may not fish on a camel’s back. (i was not aware that camels were often found in Idaho)
Illinois: You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (it's not a lie when i tell beggars i don't have any cash or change, but now that i know about the law...)
Indiana: It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (i wish this were a law on the CTA)
Iowa: One-armed piano players must perform for free. (i think i'd be willing to pay half price)
Kansas: No one may catch fish with his bare hands. (but that's the badass way!)
Kentucky: One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. (blue=bad, but green=go...got it)
Louisiana: It is illegal to gargle in public places. (pocket Listerine sales must be pretty low)
Maine: After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. (why is this not national? get it in your heads, people. Christmas is not year round)
Maryland: Thistles may not grow in one’s yard. (stop the thistle invasion!)
Massachusetts: It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients. (the hospital seems like the best place to get blasted, though)
Michigan: The last Sunday in June of every year was named log cabin day. (oooh, i smell a new favorite holiday!)
Minnesota: Oral sex is prohibited. (oops...my bad)
Mississippi: Private citizens may personally arrest any person that disturbs a church service. (that power would go to my head so fast)
Missouri: Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar. (pay up, boys)
Montana: Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. (aren't we supposed to call them Native Americans now?)
Nebraska: It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. (yum. soup and beer is my favorite)
Nevada: It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. (seriously, where are all these camels coming from?)
New Hampshire: It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach. (no sushi for you)
New Jersey: It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. (apparently guidos are big knitters. they didn't show that dark side on Jersey Shore)
New Mexico: Idiots may not vote. (this needs to be strongly and widely enforced)
New York: It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. (sure, take all the fun out of the game)
North Carolina: It’s against the law to sing off key. (William Hung - be warned)
North Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. (so seated is kosher...whew)
Ohio: It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (well you aren't supposed to swim drunk, so i guess that's logical)
Oklahoma: People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (the dogs didn't do anything to you, meany-head)
Oregon: Dishes must drip dry. (it's more earth friendly...just what the granola Oregonians like)
Pennsylvania: It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (i guess they'll have to move all their fridges off the lawn)
Rhode Island: No one may bite off another's leg. (fine, i'll get the saw then)
South Carolina: A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine. (wouldn't want to get the kiddies hooked on the pinball)
South Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (how could you fall asleep with all that cheese around?)
Tennessee: It is legal to gather and consume roadkill. (that opossum is gonna get gamey if we don't cook it up soon)
Texas: It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (haha...dirty)
Utah: It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (but chaos is so much more fun)
Vermont: Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (he's gotta know your chompers are fake, duh)
Virginia: Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. (note to self: Virginia is NOT the state for me)
Washington: All lollipops are banned. (i know how many licks to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop...i'm such a rebel)
West Virginia: Whistling underwater is prohibited. (sounds like a good way to drown)
Wisconsin: Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. (the hardened criminals deserve the real deal)
Wyoming: You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (the bunnies need their beauty rest)
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