DAY NINETEEN ~ 7.31

okay so i recognize that this is yet another late post. but let me give you the low-down on last night's Tomczak household drama.
1) yesterday my mom and i spent the ENTIRE day cleaning. we completely rearranged our den as part of its transition into welcoming guest room. for those of you who don't know, the den has become my father's unibomber cave. he hides in there from, well, everything, and has essentially moved in. this means, it's full of his crap and nothing is organized and he's wasting a ton of space.
2) part of this process involved getting all of the DVDs in one place, and organizing them in a way that will fit and makes them accessible. my mom alphabetized the movies and arranged them neatly on the shelves. then she put all the television shows together and made them neat and tidy, too. another thing you should know about my father is that he owns a ridiculous number of completely worthless DVDs. he buys the dumbest movies and he buys them in bulk. so, my mom's was no small task.
3) all was well, we were busy little worker bees and were making large strides toward greatness. then, Jeffrey came home. and all quickly became very not well. mostly for my mom because i hid in the den alphabetizing books for the bookshelves, but loud and frustrating nonetheless.
i will not bore you with the details of the battle, albeit hilarious, but this, dear friends, is my excuse for a late post. now on to more pleasant matters.

in conducting research for my previous post (random and often hilariously strange laws still in effect in our 50 states), i learned many things about this great nation.
1) most states think oral sex is icky and bad.
2) there are an inordinate number of states with laws regarding the illegality of keeping one's horse or donkey in the bathtub. firstly, how many individuals are in possession of a donkey these days? and, what would be the advantage of bathroom storage of said hoofed creature?
3) Florida has one of the best mixed-bags of crazy when it comes to weird state laws. it was one of only a handful of states where choosing the funniest for my post was a difficult matter.
4) another recurring law, of which the origins still baffle me, is the oft-repeated "persons shall not have ice cream cones in their back pockets." that would just be a sticky awkward mess.
5) back to Florida for a moment, someone had to have attempted to have sexual relations with a porcupine for one state law to have been created. just think about the physics of that for a moment.
6) many states explicitly stipulate that missionary position is the only acceptable way for couples to make sexy time. let's jump into the 21st century, people. we've got sex position-a-day calendars here.
7) according to most states, we are still in a dangerous war with the injuns. it's every man for himself. especially on Sunday at church. bring your rifles, kids. the redskins are coming.
8) for all four years of my college career i lived in what would have been considered by several states a brothel. i will have you know, i made far less money in that time than i would have if i had indeed resided in a brothel. thank you, very much.