announcement: as of mere minutes ago, i purchased a one-way plane ticket to the rest of my life. okay, the ticket is just a Southwest Airlines non-stop flight to Chicago for 30 days from now. and the rest of my life as of then will be living on a gracious friend's couch. but, who cares. i'm 21 (soon to be 22), a college graduate, and totally clueless about what i want. all i know is, whatever i want is in Chicago. and that i will find it. hopefully sooner rather than later, because i can only abuse my friends for so long. so saddle up, kids. mama's comin' to town.
i may have graduated from college, but getting something for free no matter what it is still excites me more than i care to admit. when i found out that i could get a free lunch from Red Robin at work if i came in on my day out of the office (before i work at our state fair) to celebrate a coworker's birthday, i said "are you taking orders yet?" despite the many random free trinkets and bbq dinners i scored in my four years of college, i have not lost any of my appreciation of and determination to get whatever is free. i don't care if it's the 45th Campus Safety magnet i've gotten, it's my magnet and i paid nothing for it. so if i can manage to wrangle a delightful lunch of clucks and fries ("waffle fries...fo free!") from my boss, i will jump on that opportunity right quick. thanks coworker Dawn for turning another year older, and thank you Loyola for teaching me the true value of the American dollar.
8.31.2010
8.30.2010
DAY FORTY-SEVEN ~ 8.30
break-ups are hard to write about, so i'm not going to try. dump is a fairly accurate descriptor, really. if i'm being honest i'm not doing super well right now. but i've decided on a path to survival (emotional, that is) which i think is a pretty good start. time heals all wounds, right? well i've got a month until i head back to Chicago and start anew. let's get healing.
a one-way plane ticket for the windy city will be purchased within the week. that makes me more excited than i can explain. oh, and just a tad bit terrified. thanks to all the friends who have offered their couches and futons and love while i degrade myself in the search for employment. i will be hitting the pavement, resume in hand, and attempting to take the city by storm. okay, maybe that's a bit too lofty of a goal. more accurately, i will be begging people to hire me for just enough money to afford a tiny and over-priced studio apartment to call home. so, coming to a couch near you October 2010: this big city dreamer. i'll be broken and broke, but eager to receive hugs from the friends i can't keep living without. oh, and if you want to buy me a welcome back drink, i'll take that too.
a one-way plane ticket for the windy city will be purchased within the week. that makes me more excited than i can explain. oh, and just a tad bit terrified. thanks to all the friends who have offered their couches and futons and love while i degrade myself in the search for employment. i will be hitting the pavement, resume in hand, and attempting to take the city by storm. okay, maybe that's a bit too lofty of a goal. more accurately, i will be begging people to hire me for just enough money to afford a tiny and over-priced studio apartment to call home. so, coming to a couch near you October 2010: this big city dreamer. i'll be broken and broke, but eager to receive hugs from the friends i can't keep living without. oh, and if you want to buy me a welcome back drink, i'll take that too.
DAY FORTY-SIX ~ 8.29
working the state fair is proving to be less fun than i desired. but, i did get to check out the day-old piglets in the swine barn. hooray. oh, and i had a Hawaiian shaved ice. which still baffles me. like, why are they Hawaiian? mine was orange flavored and very refreshing. maybe i should travel to Hawaii to research the origins of the shaving of ice. anybody wanna pay for this project?
DAY FORTY-FIVE ~ 8.28
it's my grad party and i'll cry if i want to. well, actually, i'll drink a few beers and get buzzed if i want to. my fam is pretty great, though, so i've really got no complaints. also there was red velvet cake involved.
8.26.2010
DAY FORTY-THREE ~ 8.26
a contestant on Project Runway just said "cray cray." i mean, i know i didn't make it up or anything, but that's my signature. i'm more than willing to attribute this girl's use of my word to my status as major trend-setter.
i don't want to be one-note in this post, but i have more to say on Project Runway. Tim Gunn is legitimately one of my favorite humans ever. he consistently says the greatest things, and has the most distinct lisp in the whole gay community. he is fabulous, pure and simple. and while we are talking about the fabulous men of Project Runway, a word on Michael Kors: stunning. he's so critical, but so very right on.
today was a long and trying day. i won't go into detail, but the first thing i did today was one of the most uncomfortable situations to go through. and then i spent the next 5 hours soaking wet and freezing cold in a trailer at our state fair talking to...well no one. it was dead. i did check out the barn full of bunnies and a few sexy swines to help pass the time. so now that i'm warm and dry, all i want to do is continue lazing around watching television.
i don't want to be one-note in this post, but i have more to say on Project Runway. Tim Gunn is legitimately one of my favorite humans ever. he consistently says the greatest things, and has the most distinct lisp in the whole gay community. he is fabulous, pure and simple. and while we are talking about the fabulous men of Project Runway, a word on Michael Kors: stunning. he's so critical, but so very right on.
today was a long and trying day. i won't go into detail, but the first thing i did today was one of the most uncomfortable situations to go through. and then i spent the next 5 hours soaking wet and freezing cold in a trailer at our state fair talking to...well no one. it was dead. i did check out the barn full of bunnies and a few sexy swines to help pass the time. so now that i'm warm and dry, all i want to do is continue lazing around watching television.
DAY FORTY-TWO ~ 8.25
in cleaning my room and doing laundry, i totally forgot that this blog existed. oops.
8.25.2010
DAY FORTY-ONE ~ 8.24
watching Michael Scott in his improv class makes me feel so uncomfortable. FBI agent Michael Scarn jumping into every scene with gun drawn is so awkward. poor Michael, he tries so hard. you can see it. he's so bad it's brilliant. watching The Office as much as i do is also scarring me for any future employers. i need my workplace to be exactly like Dunder Mifflin, as i have expressed before. if we don't have our own office Olympics or celebrate a Moroccan Christmas, i just don't know that i will survive.
what's the deal with Snapple lids? are they all true? are none of them true? are only some of them true? i am in such a state of confusion not knowing whether i can trust the knowledge i have gained over the years from drinking peach iced tea and fruit punch, or whether it will in some future social situation make me look like a fool. if my input is of any consequence, i would like to throw my two cents in. all the Snapple facts should be real, because we should be cultivating trust in this world, and because no one wants to have to look them all up to find out if they will be good party conversation starters or not.
what's the deal with Snapple lids? are they all true? are none of them true? are only some of them true? i am in such a state of confusion not knowing whether i can trust the knowledge i have gained over the years from drinking peach iced tea and fruit punch, or whether it will in some future social situation make me look like a fool. if my input is of any consequence, i would like to throw my two cents in. all the Snapple facts should be real, because we should be cultivating trust in this world, and because no one wants to have to look them all up to find out if they will be good party conversation starters or not.
8.23.2010
DAY FORTY ~ 8.23
doesn't forty look wrong? i feel as though it should be spelled fourty. because that's actually got four in it. i'm just saying.
now that i have both my diploma and official college transcripts, i feel absolutely no different. i mean, both are just composed of pieces of paper, so it's not like they should be all that earth-shattering. i'll tell you what made me feel entirely different though, being merely a bystander in the feverish excitement of back to school. this is the first year in the last 16 years of my life in which i have not bought ANY kind of back to school gear. no new binders, pens, or notebooks. no new tennis shoes, jeans, or the latest trendy clothing. no overpriced books, dorm room essentials, or RA supplies. and what feels even weirder than not going back to school, is not going back early for RA training. the last two years of my life have been dedicated to 80 girls who have touched my heart. most of the best and lasting friendships i have made in college are with other ResLifers. and that's just what we are. lifers. i know that for sure right now, as the feeling of missing out on something creeps up on me with the start of a new school year. but i know that what is coming for me is much better - a real life with the friends i've made, the support of my family, and aided by the skills i picked up along the journey. thanks, ResLife, for the couple years of lock-up.
now that i have both my diploma and official college transcripts, i feel absolutely no different. i mean, both are just composed of pieces of paper, so it's not like they should be all that earth-shattering. i'll tell you what made me feel entirely different though, being merely a bystander in the feverish excitement of back to school. this is the first year in the last 16 years of my life in which i have not bought ANY kind of back to school gear. no new binders, pens, or notebooks. no new tennis shoes, jeans, or the latest trendy clothing. no overpriced books, dorm room essentials, or RA supplies. and what feels even weirder than not going back to school, is not going back early for RA training. the last two years of my life have been dedicated to 80 girls who have touched my heart. most of the best and lasting friendships i have made in college are with other ResLifers. and that's just what we are. lifers. i know that for sure right now, as the feeling of missing out on something creeps up on me with the start of a new school year. but i know that what is coming for me is much better - a real life with the friends i've made, the support of my family, and aided by the skills i picked up along the journey. thanks, ResLife, for the couple years of lock-up.
DAY THIRTY-NINE ~ 8.22
see below for today's post. sure, it was actually Saturday's post, but who's keeping track. oh, that's right. i am. in the title. geez.
8.22.2010
DAY THIRTY-EIGHT ~ 8.21
i recognize that i broke a promise by not posting this last night, however it was due to circumstances beyond my control. i wrote the whole thing, and when i went to hit post, my internet freaked out and closed. sooo i lost the post and am having to re-write it now. either way, here it is. the end of a Canadian saga.
ORANGE EGGS AND DYLAN: A Seuss-like Undersea Afternoon
after falling into deep tiramisu induced comas, my mom and i woke up a little later the next morning than we had planned for. oops. we decided to go downstairs, check out of our hotel (pay for the $8 bottle of water my mother accidentally bought from the minibar), get the car from the valet and head to Stanley Park. Stanley Park is a gorgeous green oasis right outside of downtown Vancouver. it is home to the Aquarium, various random statues (like "Girl in Wetsuit"), walking/hiking trails, and gorgeous look-out points. one not so great thing about Stanley Park? all the roads are one way. so once you have committed or driven past something you may have wanted to stop and see, it's too darn late. you have to go all the way back around the entire park to get back to where you think you want to be.
in making our way to a "very nice restaurant with amazing views" that was pointed out to us by the concierge, we accidentally drove right past the place, not knowing it was our destination until it was too late. so on we drove, in hopes of running into one of the other few good restaurants in the park before having to go all the way around again. in a way, i'm glad we missed our intended destination, because the brunch we got at our eventual respite was pretty fantastic. we ended up at the park's tea house with a waiter who made us feel more uncomfortable than i think most humans could. Dylan is this character's name. it all began with him placing our napkins on our laps, and got weirder the longer we were there.
being the twinkies my mother and i are, we ordered the same thing for brunch - crab eggs Benedict. upon poking my first egg with my fork i encountered a strange and almost fearful sight. the yolks were orange. and i don't mean kind of a little orangey in tint. i mean they were straight up orange. like Halloween decoration orange. freaky weird. so weird i had to take a picture to send to Jeremy, just so that someone else would have proof that if my mother and i died from eating the eggs, Dylan and the tea house were to blame. despite my initial shock and confusion, i forged on due to hunger and was surprised that the eggs tasted just fine. like normal yellow eggs. we decided that Canadian chickens must just be more Seuss-like than good old American chickens. their hens have a sense of humor.
the awkwardness of Dylan is hard to explain, it's more so one of those "you had to be there" situations. it was his entire aura that made you feel uncomfortable. also, he talked slower than is the general pace, so you felt like you were hanging on each word waiting for the end of the sentence. if it was ever going to come. he offered us tourist advice, suggesting that we go to the anthropology museum because "i know you would very much appreciate it. you would enjoy yourselves very much." how do you know that Dylan? we just met. and, frankly, we didn't meet. you introduced yourself and awkwardly served us breakfast. also, you slyly got us to order mimosas. so, we are not besties or anything.
after our delicious, albeit bizarre, brunch we headed back around the majority of Stanley Park to the Aquarium. this Aquarium is huge. i mean, giant. also, the line to get into the Aquarium wrapped nearly halfway around the building. we didn't mind, it's not like we had a pressing schedule, and this was, after all, our main Vancouver tourist attraction. standing in line was also fairly entertaining because of the pre-teen boy in front of us who, for the life of him, could not stand still in line for more than 2 minutes. if at all. he wandered through the bushes next to the line, peeking through, and finding his own path through the trees to his father in the real line. and there were plenty more people for us to watch.
once inside the doors, they take your picture in front of a green screen. you can pick out your background and buy the prints later, which of course we did. i won't describe the entire Aquarium from entrance to exit, but i will present the highlights. 1. they have BELUGAS! which is way cool. 2. they have bats. which was the least fun surprise i have ever had in my life. Aquarium means undersea. bats do not live under the sea. no thank you. 3. we saw a 4D movie, which in itself was AWESOME, but the children behind us were my least favorite people to ever exist. actually, their parents were because it was the parents who both made their children that obnoxious, and did nothing to protect us innocent bystanders from their wrath. perfect example of how some people should not be allowed to procreate. 4. the octopus changed color for us. which is pretty baller, if you ask me. 5. they have a whole downstairs exhibit dedicated to frogs. while frogs are not necessarily my favorite animals, it was still pretty cool. and some of them were kinda cute.
on our way out, we took pictures and made wishes throwing pennies into the Orca fountain in front. then we hopped in the car and headed south, back to the border and our beloved state of Washington. for some reason, waiting at the border often inspires much hilarity in our car, and this return trip was no exception. there were even videos taken in tribute to my grandmother and her hilarious way of talking. we are terribly good at impersonating her. but those will not be posted out of respect to both my mother who would be extremely embarrassed and my grandmother who would not understand that we were mocking her. all in all, it was a perfect little weekend escape, and a chance for my mother and i to flash our fancy passports. thanks, Canada for playing host. we will be seeing you again sometime i hope.
ORANGE EGGS AND DYLAN: A Seuss-like Undersea Afternoon
after falling into deep tiramisu induced comas, my mom and i woke up a little later the next morning than we had planned for. oops. we decided to go downstairs, check out of our hotel (pay for the $8 bottle of water my mother accidentally bought from the minibar), get the car from the valet and head to Stanley Park. Stanley Park is a gorgeous green oasis right outside of downtown Vancouver. it is home to the Aquarium, various random statues (like "Girl in Wetsuit"), walking/hiking trails, and gorgeous look-out points. one not so great thing about Stanley Park? all the roads are one way. so once you have committed or driven past something you may have wanted to stop and see, it's too darn late. you have to go all the way back around the entire park to get back to where you think you want to be.
in making our way to a "very nice restaurant with amazing views" that was pointed out to us by the concierge, we accidentally drove right past the place, not knowing it was our destination until it was too late. so on we drove, in hopes of running into one of the other few good restaurants in the park before having to go all the way around again. in a way, i'm glad we missed our intended destination, because the brunch we got at our eventual respite was pretty fantastic. we ended up at the park's tea house with a waiter who made us feel more uncomfortable than i think most humans could. Dylan is this character's name. it all began with him placing our napkins on our laps, and got weirder the longer we were there.
being the twinkies my mother and i are, we ordered the same thing for brunch - crab eggs Benedict. upon poking my first egg with my fork i encountered a strange and almost fearful sight. the yolks were orange. and i don't mean kind of a little orangey in tint. i mean they were straight up orange. like Halloween decoration orange. freaky weird. so weird i had to take a picture to send to Jeremy, just so that someone else would have proof that if my mother and i died from eating the eggs, Dylan and the tea house were to blame. despite my initial shock and confusion, i forged on due to hunger and was surprised that the eggs tasted just fine. like normal yellow eggs. we decided that Canadian chickens must just be more Seuss-like than good old American chickens. their hens have a sense of humor.
the awkwardness of Dylan is hard to explain, it's more so one of those "you had to be there" situations. it was his entire aura that made you feel uncomfortable. also, he talked slower than is the general pace, so you felt like you were hanging on each word waiting for the end of the sentence. if it was ever going to come. he offered us tourist advice, suggesting that we go to the anthropology museum because "i know you would very much appreciate it. you would enjoy yourselves very much." how do you know that Dylan? we just met. and, frankly, we didn't meet. you introduced yourself and awkwardly served us breakfast. also, you slyly got us to order mimosas. so, we are not besties or anything.
after our delicious, albeit bizarre, brunch we headed back around the majority of Stanley Park to the Aquarium. this Aquarium is huge. i mean, giant. also, the line to get into the Aquarium wrapped nearly halfway around the building. we didn't mind, it's not like we had a pressing schedule, and this was, after all, our main Vancouver tourist attraction. standing in line was also fairly entertaining because of the pre-teen boy in front of us who, for the life of him, could not stand still in line for more than 2 minutes. if at all. he wandered through the bushes next to the line, peeking through, and finding his own path through the trees to his father in the real line. and there were plenty more people for us to watch.
once inside the doors, they take your picture in front of a green screen. you can pick out your background and buy the prints later, which of course we did. i won't describe the entire Aquarium from entrance to exit, but i will present the highlights. 1. they have BELUGAS! which is way cool. 2. they have bats. which was the least fun surprise i have ever had in my life. Aquarium means undersea. bats do not live under the sea. no thank you. 3. we saw a 4D movie, which in itself was AWESOME, but the children behind us were my least favorite people to ever exist. actually, their parents were because it was the parents who both made their children that obnoxious, and did nothing to protect us innocent bystanders from their wrath. perfect example of how some people should not be allowed to procreate. 4. the octopus changed color for us. which is pretty baller, if you ask me. 5. they have a whole downstairs exhibit dedicated to frogs. while frogs are not necessarily my favorite animals, it was still pretty cool. and some of them were kinda cute.
on our way out, we took pictures and made wishes throwing pennies into the Orca fountain in front. then we hopped in the car and headed south, back to the border and our beloved state of Washington. for some reason, waiting at the border often inspires much hilarity in our car, and this return trip was no exception. there were even videos taken in tribute to my grandmother and her hilarious way of talking. we are terribly good at impersonating her. but those will not be posted out of respect to both my mother who would be extremely embarrassed and my grandmother who would not understand that we were mocking her. all in all, it was a perfect little weekend escape, and a chance for my mother and i to flash our fancy passports. thanks, Canada for playing host. we will be seeing you again sometime i hope.
8.21.2010
DAY THIRTY-SIX & DAY THIRTY-SEVEN ~ 8.19 & 8.20
right, so, i totally lost these two days to the life that happens outside of the internet.
thursday was just one of those days where being in Seattle when my life is in Chicago and elsewhere is way too hard to handle.
friday i helped build bookshelves with Kira in her new Seattle apartment. we laughed, we cried, we swore. oh, and we ate Mexican for lunch. yumzo. i also developed an overwhelming craving for buttermilk biscuits, so that's what i made for dinner. again, yumzo.
i can promise, however, that the final post in the Canada series will be posted tonight. it's a good one, too. how can it not be when our final day started with orange eggs and a waiter named Dylan? either way, lo siento for the no-post past couple of days. check back later for more Canadian crazy.
xoxo
thursday was just one of those days where being in Seattle when my life is in Chicago and elsewhere is way too hard to handle.
friday i helped build bookshelves with Kira in her new Seattle apartment. we laughed, we cried, we swore. oh, and we ate Mexican for lunch. yumzo. i also developed an overwhelming craving for buttermilk biscuits, so that's what i made for dinner. again, yumzo.
i can promise, however, that the final post in the Canada series will be posted tonight. it's a good one, too. how can it not be when our final day started with orange eggs and a waiter named Dylan? either way, lo siento for the no-post past couple of days. check back later for more Canadian crazy.
xoxo
8.18.2010
DAY THIRTY-FIVE ~ 8.18
while the stories of my mother's and my last day in Canada deserve sharing, i again have ended the day with not enough energy for them. i was busy busy busy at work today, finishing up projects i've been working on for a while. it felt good to get from the printers the final product of an idea that was mine and executed by me. i'm a real working girl. not only long days have worn me out recently. it has been unbearably hot these last few days here, in the 90s and humid. today was the first relief. it only got up to 75, but it was still humid. when it's hot i get sleepy. i would rather be cold than hot any day, and that's not just because i like scarves and sweaters and coats so much.
Costco is magnificent. we all know i love me some grocery shopping. and Costco is just a super-sized grocery store. what's not to love? so when my mom randomly needs to go to Costco to "price" stuff for a staff party at her school, i jump on that train pretty quickly. and thank goodness i did, because i ended up with some soft marionberry licorice out of the deal. heck yes.
tonight i'm going to try to watch longer than 6 minutes of Chicken Run before i fall asleep. i've tried for approximately 4 nights to watch it, and i know what Jeremy will say about that. TYPICAL. but, my goal is, starting over now, to watch the whole thing in 2 nights. i have faith, especially because i have the day off on Friday. part of me hopes that falling asleep to British accents every night for a week will cause me to absorb it by osmosis. i would seriously love to sound like one of those rockin' claymation hens.
Costco is magnificent. we all know i love me some grocery shopping. and Costco is just a super-sized grocery store. what's not to love? so when my mom randomly needs to go to Costco to "price" stuff for a staff party at her school, i jump on that train pretty quickly. and thank goodness i did, because i ended up with some soft marionberry licorice out of the deal. heck yes.
tonight i'm going to try to watch longer than 6 minutes of Chicken Run before i fall asleep. i've tried for approximately 4 nights to watch it, and i know what Jeremy will say about that. TYPICAL. but, my goal is, starting over now, to watch the whole thing in 2 nights. i have faith, especially because i have the day off on Friday. part of me hopes that falling asleep to British accents every night for a week will cause me to absorb it by osmosis. i would seriously love to sound like one of those rockin' claymation hens.
DAY THIRTY-FOUR ~ 8.17
okay, so i just really wasn't in the mood to write a post last night. and now that i'm at work, it's not really appropriate for me to take the time to complete the latest Canada series entry. so, you will just have to excuse me, loyal readers, for again not writing a real entry. i applied to more jobs last night, too, so let's just pray that SOMEONE replies to me soon. "i'm running out of clock and that ain't a shock. some things never do change, never do change."
8.16.2010
DAY THIRTY-THREE ~ 8.16
this evening i sent resumes and cover letters to more prospective employers than i care to count. although i did, and the number is staggering. all this effort in hopes that just one will call me back and offer me ANY job that will allow me to move back to Chicago in October. it just takes one, i know that. so in an effort to concentrate the entire power of my will on the grace of my future employer, i am not writing the next part of the Canada series tonight. my heart just isn't in it. instead, i send forth this plea: sweet God let me get a job so I can be moved by the time two super huge October milestones come around. that's really all i ask. that i can celebrate big days in my life with the friends i love and miss. oh, and my mom can come, too. k, thanks.
8.15.2010
DAY THIRTY-TWO ~ 8.15
DO YOU WANT TO SUCK THE BONE: Feigned Wealth is Hilarious
let me tell you, when the maternal unit and i planned this trip we really went all out. i mean, why not stay at a fancy hotel right downtown and spare no expense for food and daily attractions when you are only going away for two days? there really is no point to be stingy. plus, everything seems more expensive up there already because Canadian money is the one currency left that is still worse than the dollar. i think it's because they name their money stuff like the "loonie." they were just asking for trouble. we decided before leaving on our little foreign adventure that we would just pretend to be wealthy for the next couple days. not to act shocked when the cost of admission to Capilano park is outrageously more than it should be. in then end, those story poles were were the coin.
so we drove into downtown Vancouver and to our hotel, the Hotel Vancouver. that's right. THE hotel in Vancouver. now, technically, it is part of the Fairmont chain of resort hotels, but that's beside the point. it's old, and gorgeous on the outside and in. and it's smack dab in the center of downtown, right next to the art museum, or what the hoity-toity Canadians call the "gallery," and the now zeroed Olympic countdown clock. we had our car valet parked (i know, we are soooo fancy) and headed up to room 629, our home away from home. we each had a nice double bed to ourselves, both with really great mattresses, and a nice view of the city streets below. there was even a mini-bar. that's how you know you are in a fancy place, when they have the audacity to charge you $12 for a candy bar.
after dropping off our stuff, we headed back out into the concrete Canadian jungle and made our way towards the Gastown neighborhood. for whatever reason, my mother had decided she wanted to walk around Gastown while we were on our little romp in Vancouver, so we had to make this dream come true. we trekked that direction along the water wandering through other neighborhoods along the way. Gastown is the historic neighborhood of Vancouver, kind of like Pioneer Square for us Seattleites, with brick streets, old timey lamp posts and a steam powered clock. just what every major city needs. a clock powered completely by steam that plays the Westminster bells chime every quarter hour. we were fortunate enough to be walking by just at half-past the hour and were literally feet away when it chimed. loudly. then we continued on to see Gassy Jack, the founding father of Vancouver. what a classy man, that Gassy Jack. his statue is pretty cool, i have to admit.
by this point we were both pretty worn out from our long day of traveling, as well as hungry. while i'm sure there are restaurants in and around the Gastown neighborhood that would have been delightful, we, as visitors, had no idea where they were hiding. so we decided to walk back towards our hotel in hopes of seeing something along the way that struck our fancy. apparently we chose the less-traveled of roads back, because we walked for several blocks in what can only be described as the whitest and eeriest of ghettos ever. now, being the hardened big-city girl that i am, i wasn't all that scared to be walking on not so nice streets in a foreign city. it was before dusk still, too. but i will say that for some reason being yelled at by a toothless and drug addicted member of the First Nations in the same day as learning her people's history and culture through story poles was the saddest encounter with a bum i've had. she called us "purdy ladies" though, so i can't really be upset about it.
along our walk we saw a surprising ZERO restaurants. well, that may not be entirely accurate, but we didn't find one to actually stop and eat at. we did, however, see some sort of crew with overly bright lighting setting up for a film shoot of some kind in an old bank building, get asked directions by two different pairs of lost tourists, and eventually ended up eating at a restaurant less than a block away from our hotel. i won't go into the selection process of said restaurant, although it was a scene my boyfriend might call a "doosie."
we had what can only be described as a delectable meal in a very nice Italian restaurant, Don Francesco's. we shared a caprese salad to start, which was refreshing and delicious. and since the wealthy drink wine, so did we. for dinner i had my old standard, fettuccine, but this one was special. there was prosciutto in it. yum. my mom ordered ossobuco, which, if you are like me and didn't know, is braised veal shank in a hearty tomato stew-like sauce. it was tender and tasty baby cow. it is also the origin of this installment's title. apparently, one is supposed to suck the marrow from the bone as part of the ossobuco meal. my grandpa was a big bone sucker, so i'm told. after we both decided that was strange and very disgusting indeed, my mother picked up the bone and asked "do you want to suck the bone?" i politely declined this offer, and laughed hysterically. even when we are pretending to be wealthy and refined, we still manage to give ourselves away.
we ordered our desserts to go, mostly because we wanted an excuse to sit in bed wearing the nice hotel robes we were provided with, and also because we didn't want anyone at the fancy restaurant to know what fatties we really were. tiramisu and chocolate ganache cake to go brought our dinner bill to nearly the price of our one-night hotel stay. but boy was it worth it. good food and even better company made our rich ladies night on the town a rousing success.
up next - ORANGE EGGS AND DYLAN: A Seuss-like Undersea Afternoon
let me tell you, when the maternal unit and i planned this trip we really went all out. i mean, why not stay at a fancy hotel right downtown and spare no expense for food and daily attractions when you are only going away for two days? there really is no point to be stingy. plus, everything seems more expensive up there already because Canadian money is the one currency left that is still worse than the dollar. i think it's because they name their money stuff like the "loonie." they were just asking for trouble. we decided before leaving on our little foreign adventure that we would just pretend to be wealthy for the next couple days. not to act shocked when the cost of admission to Capilano park is outrageously more than it should be. in then end, those story poles were were the coin.
so we drove into downtown Vancouver and to our hotel, the Hotel Vancouver. that's right. THE hotel in Vancouver. now, technically, it is part of the Fairmont chain of resort hotels, but that's beside the point. it's old, and gorgeous on the outside and in. and it's smack dab in the center of downtown, right next to the art museum, or what the hoity-toity Canadians call the "gallery," and the now zeroed Olympic countdown clock. we had our car valet parked (i know, we are soooo fancy) and headed up to room 629, our home away from home. we each had a nice double bed to ourselves, both with really great mattresses, and a nice view of the city streets below. there was even a mini-bar. that's how you know you are in a fancy place, when they have the audacity to charge you $12 for a candy bar.
after dropping off our stuff, we headed back out into the concrete Canadian jungle and made our way towards the Gastown neighborhood. for whatever reason, my mother had decided she wanted to walk around Gastown while we were on our little romp in Vancouver, so we had to make this dream come true. we trekked that direction along the water wandering through other neighborhoods along the way. Gastown is the historic neighborhood of Vancouver, kind of like Pioneer Square for us Seattleites, with brick streets, old timey lamp posts and a steam powered clock. just what every major city needs. a clock powered completely by steam that plays the Westminster bells chime every quarter hour. we were fortunate enough to be walking by just at half-past the hour and were literally feet away when it chimed. loudly. then we continued on to see Gassy Jack, the founding father of Vancouver. what a classy man, that Gassy Jack. his statue is pretty cool, i have to admit.
by this point we were both pretty worn out from our long day of traveling, as well as hungry. while i'm sure there are restaurants in and around the Gastown neighborhood that would have been delightful, we, as visitors, had no idea where they were hiding. so we decided to walk back towards our hotel in hopes of seeing something along the way that struck our fancy. apparently we chose the less-traveled of roads back, because we walked for several blocks in what can only be described as the whitest and eeriest of ghettos ever. now, being the hardened big-city girl that i am, i wasn't all that scared to be walking on not so nice streets in a foreign city. it was before dusk still, too. but i will say that for some reason being yelled at by a toothless and drug addicted member of the First Nations in the same day as learning her people's history and culture through story poles was the saddest encounter with a bum i've had. she called us "purdy ladies" though, so i can't really be upset about it.
along our walk we saw a surprising ZERO restaurants. well, that may not be entirely accurate, but we didn't find one to actually stop and eat at. we did, however, see some sort of crew with overly bright lighting setting up for a film shoot of some kind in an old bank building, get asked directions by two different pairs of lost tourists, and eventually ended up eating at a restaurant less than a block away from our hotel. i won't go into the selection process of said restaurant, although it was a scene my boyfriend might call a "doosie."
we had what can only be described as a delectable meal in a very nice Italian restaurant, Don Francesco's. we shared a caprese salad to start, which was refreshing and delicious. and since the wealthy drink wine, so did we. for dinner i had my old standard, fettuccine, but this one was special. there was prosciutto in it. yum. my mom ordered ossobuco, which, if you are like me and didn't know, is braised veal shank in a hearty tomato stew-like sauce. it was tender and tasty baby cow. it is also the origin of this installment's title. apparently, one is supposed to suck the marrow from the bone as part of the ossobuco meal. my grandpa was a big bone sucker, so i'm told. after we both decided that was strange and very disgusting indeed, my mother picked up the bone and asked "do you want to suck the bone?" i politely declined this offer, and laughed hysterically. even when we are pretending to be wealthy and refined, we still manage to give ourselves away.
we ordered our desserts to go, mostly because we wanted an excuse to sit in bed wearing the nice hotel robes we were provided with, and also because we didn't want anyone at the fancy restaurant to know what fatties we really were. tiramisu and chocolate ganache cake to go brought our dinner bill to nearly the price of our one-night hotel stay. but boy was it worth it. good food and even better company made our rich ladies night on the town a rousing success.
up next - ORANGE EGGS AND DYLAN: A Seuss-like Undersea Afternoon
DAY THIRTY-ONE ~ 8.14
oh, gosh. isn't this embarrassing. i am failing once again to post the next installment in the Canada series due to a charming serial killer named Dexter. but really, the end of season one is so mind blowing i don't think i could muster the cleverness my Canada posts deserve. so, you will have to wait yet another day to hear why we were sucking bones while pretending to be rich. doesn't that just pique your curiosity...
8.13.2010
DAY THIRTY ~ 8.13
before i share with you the latest in the Canada series, i would like to take a few lines to say Happy Birthday to the greatest Grandpa a girl could have had. Donald Cletus Cletus Fane, you will never be forgotten. i love when your birthday falls on a Friday like it did today, because it reminds me of how you used to joke "of course it's unlucky, it's the day i was born!" everybody who knew you knows that any Friday August 13 is a very LUCKY day because it's your day, and we were blessed to know you. <3
and now, on to the funny.
WOODSPRITES AND SQUIRRELS: Making the Most of the Canadian Wilderness
as we neared the other side of the Capilano Suspension bridge, Susan stopped, posed purposefully, and said "look! i'm a woodsprite!" here's the photographic evidence:
now, for those of you who are not well acquainted with my mother, you will require some explanation as to her fascination with and continued referencing of the woodsprite. a woodsprite is essentially a woodland elf, a mystical and wholly fictional being. but Susan is a believer. as we drove north to Canada earlier in the day she would comment every now and then on how this or that spot of evergreen forest looked like the perfect home for the woodsprite, elf or fairy. so when she struck her woodsprite inspired pose on the bridge i was surprised at my ability to snap that gem through my uncontrollable laughter. people must have been concerned that the mental institution had apparently let us out to play for the day...without handlers.
once across the bridge you walk along trails through the woods, passing various ponds, lookout points and informational and educational signage. the highlight, though, is what they call the Treetop Adventure. it offers you a "squirrel's eye view of the forest," according to the park's promotional materials. a series of smaller suspension bridges between giant douglas fir trees, leading ever higher toward the top of the forest, make up the Treetop Adventure. as cheesy as it is, you really do feel like a squirrel. i couldn't help myself from thinking about my favorite scene in Disney's Sword in the Stone when Merlin and little Wart transform into squirrels and fly from tree to tree being chased by their respective love interests. it was beautiful and peaceful up there, made even more perfect by the signature Northwest drizzle.
after completing our Treetop Adventure we made the trek back across the big bridge to the gift shop where we purchased a delightful assortment of items. for Jeffrey: a First Nations tranquility bead. which is basically a large stone hanging on a string of beads that is supposed to bring you tranquility (think dreamcatcher, but for stress). really very entertaining choice on Susan's part if you know much about Jeffrey. for Susan: a Christmas globe ornament with a painted First Nations version of the Madonna on it. an indian Mary, how quaint. for myself: a moose keychain (clearly a necessity, considering my love of the moose), a Vancouver shot glass, and a magnet that says "making the moose out of life" depicting an adorable moose paddling a canoe. top notch choices all around, i'd say.
we left Capilano slightly damp but completely satisfied with our first day's excursion in Canada. from there we drove to our hotel in downtown Vancouver, but that's a whole other story...next in DO YOU WANT TO SUCK THE BONE?: Feigned Wealth is Hilarious.
and now, on to the funny.
WOODSPRITES AND SQUIRRELS: Making the Most of the Canadian Wilderness
as we neared the other side of the Capilano Suspension bridge, Susan stopped, posed purposefully, and said "look! i'm a woodsprite!" here's the photographic evidence:
now, for those of you who are not well acquainted with my mother, you will require some explanation as to her fascination with and continued referencing of the woodsprite. a woodsprite is essentially a woodland elf, a mystical and wholly fictional being. but Susan is a believer. as we drove north to Canada earlier in the day she would comment every now and then on how this or that spot of evergreen forest looked like the perfect home for the woodsprite, elf or fairy. so when she struck her woodsprite inspired pose on the bridge i was surprised at my ability to snap that gem through my uncontrollable laughter. people must have been concerned that the mental institution had apparently let us out to play for the day...without handlers.
once across the bridge you walk along trails through the woods, passing various ponds, lookout points and informational and educational signage. the highlight, though, is what they call the Treetop Adventure. it offers you a "squirrel's eye view of the forest," according to the park's promotional materials. a series of smaller suspension bridges between giant douglas fir trees, leading ever higher toward the top of the forest, make up the Treetop Adventure. as cheesy as it is, you really do feel like a squirrel. i couldn't help myself from thinking about my favorite scene in Disney's Sword in the Stone when Merlin and little Wart transform into squirrels and fly from tree to tree being chased by their respective love interests. it was beautiful and peaceful up there, made even more perfect by the signature Northwest drizzle.
after completing our Treetop Adventure we made the trek back across the big bridge to the gift shop where we purchased a delightful assortment of items. for Jeffrey: a First Nations tranquility bead. which is basically a large stone hanging on a string of beads that is supposed to bring you tranquility (think dreamcatcher, but for stress). really very entertaining choice on Susan's part if you know much about Jeffrey. for Susan: a Christmas globe ornament with a painted First Nations version of the Madonna on it. an indian Mary, how quaint. for myself: a moose keychain (clearly a necessity, considering my love of the moose), a Vancouver shot glass, and a magnet that says "making the moose out of life" depicting an adorable moose paddling a canoe. top notch choices all around, i'd say.
we left Capilano slightly damp but completely satisfied with our first day's excursion in Canada. from there we drove to our hotel in downtown Vancouver, but that's a whole other story...next in DO YOU WANT TO SUCK THE BONE?: Feigned Wealth is Hilarious.
DAY TWENTY-NINE ~ 8.12
due to my recent obsession with Dexter and the fact that Netflix was fully functional tonight, i didn't have time to write my next installment of the Canada series. i will continue the saga tomorrow, for sure. you can thank Christine and Jeremy for the extreme distraction :)
8.11.2010
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT ~ 8.11
Canada series, part two- SHUNNING THE YELLOW PONCHO: A First-Nations Story Pole
once we had successfully passed through those hallowed gates into the land to the north, we kept driving. on roads very much like those in Americuh. after having a slight confusion related to the conversion of kilometers into miles (which my mom didn't realize were BOTH shown on the dash) we continued on our merry way north into Vancouver. we had time to kill before check-in at the hotel, so we drove through the city, which was quite the adventure in itself. we got slightly lost, which may have been due to the 25 year old map we were attempting to use to navigate. we found PlayLand, the most broke-down excuse for an amusement park ever. we nearly got t-boned by a Canadian motorist, unless right-of-way is backwards up north.
somehow, we managed to make it to our diversion - Capilano Park, home of the Capilano Suspension Bridge. but first, we stopped to have afternoon tea like the classy ladies we are. there were scones and jam involved. it was legit. the weather was perfect, it was misty and grey - exactly the way we like the Northwest to be. as we entered Capilano park we were informed that we could receive free yellow ponchos for our park tour. poncho? i don't need no stinking poncho!
poncho-less we made our way through the story poles, which we learned is the correct name for a totem pole. the peoples of the "First Nations," who we Americans refer to as Native Americans/Indians/Redskins/etc., carve the poles to tell a story. and really, nobody knows where this "totem" nonsense came from. good to know, Capilano guide. you have taught me so much. but on to the real point of the park...the Suspension Bridge! duh duh duh. it's long, it's high off the ground, it sways back and forth as you walk, and i SURVIVED IT! TWICE! i mean, the second time was by default because once you walk across you have to make the trek again to get back to your car. either way, i felt accomplished. it was a gorgeous day, i conquered my fears, and i didn't look like a goob in a yellow plastic poncho. overall quite the success.
here's some photographic proof of my bravery:
next in the series - WOODSPRITES AND SQUIRRELS: Making the Most of the Canadian Wilderness
once we had successfully passed through those hallowed gates into the land to the north, we kept driving. on roads very much like those in Americuh. after having a slight confusion related to the conversion of kilometers into miles (which my mom didn't realize were BOTH shown on the dash) we continued on our merry way north into Vancouver. we had time to kill before check-in at the hotel, so we drove through the city, which was quite the adventure in itself. we got slightly lost, which may have been due to the 25 year old map we were attempting to use to navigate. we found PlayLand, the most broke-down excuse for an amusement park ever. we nearly got t-boned by a Canadian motorist, unless right-of-way is backwards up north.
somehow, we managed to make it to our diversion - Capilano Park, home of the Capilano Suspension Bridge. but first, we stopped to have afternoon tea like the classy ladies we are. there were scones and jam involved. it was legit. the weather was perfect, it was misty and grey - exactly the way we like the Northwest to be. as we entered Capilano park we were informed that we could receive free yellow ponchos for our park tour. poncho? i don't need no stinking poncho!
poncho-less we made our way through the story poles, which we learned is the correct name for a totem pole. the peoples of the "First Nations," who we Americans refer to as Native Americans/Indians/Redskins/etc., carve the poles to tell a story. and really, nobody knows where this "totem" nonsense came from. good to know, Capilano guide. you have taught me so much. but on to the real point of the park...the Suspension Bridge! duh duh duh. it's long, it's high off the ground, it sways back and forth as you walk, and i SURVIVED IT! TWICE! i mean, the second time was by default because once you walk across you have to make the trek again to get back to your car. either way, i felt accomplished. it was a gorgeous day, i conquered my fears, and i didn't look like a goob in a yellow plastic poncho. overall quite the success.
here's some photographic proof of my bravery:
next in the series - WOODSPRITES AND SQUIRRELS: Making the Most of the Canadian Wilderness
8.10.2010
DAY TWENTY-SEVEN ~ 8.10
part one of my Canada series begins with...
A PASSPORT DILEMMA: The Susan Chronicles
when two people spontaneously plan a trip to a foreign country both parties generally consider the necessity of border crossing documentation. i say generally because that is what normal people do. they think "hmm. since i'm driving over an international border, i should maybe consider packing my travel and identification papers. a passport perhaps." what does one Susan Kay think? "hey! be i'm going to Canada!" aaand...crickets. so, Claire sets the plan in motion.
i booked our hotel, i found our route, i looked up attractions to visit in Vancouver. i made a kick-ass itinerary. i knew where MY passport was, so i assumed that Susan would too. she wouldn't possibly have me book a non-refundable hotel stay without first locating the ONE thing she needed to get into and back out of Canada. would she? oh. apparently she would. aaand she did. after much frantic searching and chastising of her silliness, Susan decided that her passport "must" be in the safe deposit box. really? who has those anymore? get yourself a good fire-proof personal house safe and lock yo shit up, foo. regardless, we packed the rest of our belongings, placed all of our hopes on the passport being safely stowed away at our friendly neighborhood Chase bank, and went to bed.
let me explain my hesitance to believe in the safe deposit box scenario. first of all, Susan is a notorious misplacer of items. important items - credit cards, keys, driver's license. so trusting her instinct as to where she may or may not have last put something is never a sure bet. but secondly, and more to the point, the last time Susan visited the safe deposit box she did what no other person in the illustrious history of our bank branch had every done. she broke the key in the lock. yep. no one knew what to do. locksmiths were called, we were instructed to empty the contents of the box while they serviced it. new keys had to be made. the whole box had to be replaced. she's amazing, that woman. no one is sure how it happened, but Susan managed to do it. so when she said the words "safe deposit box" to me, i envisioned a long, frustrating, disaster-filled morning impeding on my Canadian odyssey.
i threatened to leave Susan in the good ole' U.S. of A if the passport was not quickly found in the safe deposit box that morning. thank goodness i did not have to follow through on those threats, because the rest of our trip (stories to follow) would have been SO VERY BORING without Susan along for amusement and incredible company.
coming tomorrow, part two in the Canada series...
SHUNNING THE YELLOW PONCHO: A First-Nations Story Pole
A PASSPORT DILEMMA: The Susan Chronicles
when two people spontaneously plan a trip to a foreign country both parties generally consider the necessity of border crossing documentation. i say generally because that is what normal people do. they think "hmm. since i'm driving over an international border, i should maybe consider packing my travel and identification papers. a passport perhaps." what does one Susan Kay think? "hey! be i'm going to Canada!" aaand...crickets. so, Claire sets the plan in motion.
i booked our hotel, i found our route, i looked up attractions to visit in Vancouver. i made a kick-ass itinerary. i knew where MY passport was, so i assumed that Susan would too. she wouldn't possibly have me book a non-refundable hotel stay without first locating the ONE thing she needed to get into and back out of Canada. would she? oh. apparently she would. aaand she did. after much frantic searching and chastising of her silliness, Susan decided that her passport "must" be in the safe deposit box. really? who has those anymore? get yourself a good fire-proof personal house safe and lock yo shit up, foo. regardless, we packed the rest of our belongings, placed all of our hopes on the passport being safely stowed away at our friendly neighborhood Chase bank, and went to bed.
let me explain my hesitance to believe in the safe deposit box scenario. first of all, Susan is a notorious misplacer of items. important items - credit cards, keys, driver's license. so trusting her instinct as to where she may or may not have last put something is never a sure bet. but secondly, and more to the point, the last time Susan visited the safe deposit box she did what no other person in the illustrious history of our bank branch had every done. she broke the key in the lock. yep. no one knew what to do. locksmiths were called, we were instructed to empty the contents of the box while they serviced it. new keys had to be made. the whole box had to be replaced. she's amazing, that woman. no one is sure how it happened, but Susan managed to do it. so when she said the words "safe deposit box" to me, i envisioned a long, frustrating, disaster-filled morning impeding on my Canadian odyssey.
i threatened to leave Susan in the good ole' U.S. of A if the passport was not quickly found in the safe deposit box that morning. thank goodness i did not have to follow through on those threats, because the rest of our trip (stories to follow) would have been SO VERY BORING without Susan along for amusement and incredible company.
coming tomorrow, part two in the Canada series...
SHUNNING THE YELLOW PONCHO: A First-Nations Story Pole
8.09.2010
DAY TWENTY-SIX ~ 8.9
i have safely returned from my Canadian excursion, and while i have much from my trip to share, i don't feel like writing a lot tonight. so, some really great Vancouver stories will be shared in the near future. suffice it to say, my mother and i had an amazing time! so much laughter, so many hilarious moments. so check back later for in-depth recaps.
in other world news, today marks the fourth month of my status as girlfriend. i'm not gonna lie, it's a pretty sweet gig. i don't like to brag, but my boyfriend is better than yours. i wish they made bumper stickers about having great boyfriends like the ones pretentious parents put on their cars. you know, "my boyfriend is cooler than your honor student" or something to that effect. if i had a car, i would totally make and display one. so, cheers JCS! you've given me four of the most amazing months of my life. i'm looking forward to many many more. <3 oh, and i'll get right on that bumper sticker idea. i'm sure it will make me millions, allowing you to assume your place as the trophy. ;)
in other world news, today marks the fourth month of my status as girlfriend. i'm not gonna lie, it's a pretty sweet gig. i don't like to brag, but my boyfriend is better than yours. i wish they made bumper stickers about having great boyfriends like the ones pretentious parents put on their cars. you know, "my boyfriend is cooler than your honor student" or something to that effect. if i had a car, i would totally make and display one. so, cheers JCS! you've given me four of the most amazing months of my life. i'm looking forward to many many more. <3 oh, and i'll get right on that bumper sticker idea. i'm sure it will make me millions, allowing you to assume your place as the trophy. ;)
8.06.2010
DAY TWENTY-FIVE ~ 8.6
due to spontaneous reservations for a Canadian voyage to begin tomorrow, i have little to say tonight. i also won't be blogging from Canada, but i will be sure to give the run-down of my adventure when i return. the maternal unit and i will be driving up to Vancouver tomorrow to stay the night and hang out at such local attractions as the sick-nasty aquarium and historical Gastown neighborhood. i'll be sure to take pics, just in case you need a better understanding of what the Canadian people look like, should you ever need to identify one.
see you on the flip side, countrymen. i'll tell you all aboot my trip in a couple days!
see you on the flip side, countrymen. i'll tell you all aboot my trip in a couple days!
8.05.2010
DAY TWENTY-FOUR ~ 8.5
two Honey Moons with my dinner tonight was the best decision i've made all week. i was even classy and used an orange slice garnish. that's right, like the bartenders do.
part of me is reassured that i am well-informed about such matters as bed bugs. i can thank my RA training and experience for that knowledge. the other part of me, however, hates being the person who has the understanding to be paranoid about such far-out ills. when RKT calls me to tell her she does not have bedbugs in her Chicago studio apartment, i know all the signs to check for. gross. not one of the tools i wanted or expected to leave Loyola with.
part of me is reassured that i am well-informed about such matters as bed bugs. i can thank my RA training and experience for that knowledge. the other part of me, however, hates being the person who has the understanding to be paranoid about such far-out ills. when RKT calls me to tell her she does not have bedbugs in her Chicago studio apartment, i know all the signs to check for. gross. not one of the tools i wanted or expected to leave Loyola with.
8.04.2010
DAY TWENTY-THREE ~ 8.4
watching Back to the Future Part II is making me extremely disappointed in 2010. the 2015 of the Doc's future features flying cars, hoverboards, the sickest looking Nikes, 3D hologram billboards, World Series winning Cubs, self-adjusting clothes, and one thing we actually have now, a retro 80s cafe. also, baby Elijah Wood shows up. i seriously doubt that five years from now in the real 2015 we will have the baller swag they've got in the movie. one thing that comforts me is that old man fashion doesn't change. ancient Biff looks like just as much of a dork in those high-waisted plaid pants as any present-day grandpa would. my biggest question: is Marty's daughter a trannie? cuz she's looking a little rough.
ever since Dunder Mifflin Scranton became a part of my life, i have wanted to work in an office setting like that, to feel like i was on the show. this dream will in some small way become reality tomorrow. it may not be the pretzel man, but our entire business park is being treated to ice cream from an ice cream truck tomorrow afternoon. that's right. we will stand in line (NO CUTTING ALLOWED) waiting patiently for our turn to order a delicious frozen treat. if i could, i would get mine with all the fixins...but i don't know what toppings will be offered for popsicles. i will be slightly disappointed not being able to stand in line and share the joy with the likes of Stanley Hudson and Kevin Malone. i'd even chill with Angela Martin as we devoured our free dessert, but i would not talk about cats.
ever since Dunder Mifflin Scranton became a part of my life, i have wanted to work in an office setting like that, to feel like i was on the show. this dream will in some small way become reality tomorrow. it may not be the pretzel man, but our entire business park is being treated to ice cream from an ice cream truck tomorrow afternoon. that's right. we will stand in line (NO CUTTING ALLOWED) waiting patiently for our turn to order a delicious frozen treat. if i could, i would get mine with all the fixins...but i don't know what toppings will be offered for popsicles. i will be slightly disappointed not being able to stand in line and share the joy with the likes of Stanley Hudson and Kevin Malone. i'd even chill with Angela Martin as we devoured our free dessert, but i would not talk about cats.
8.03.2010
DAY TWENTY-TWO ~ 8.3
let's discuss the goats. oh my gosh the goats. backstory: a few nights ago, my mom and i took the dog for an evening car ride up to this farm property not too far from us. they usually have cows and some horses wandering around in their pasture. we pulled off the main road near their land so we could stay in the car but still see the animals and by the grace of God we had stopped right next to the goat pasture. the goats immediately came towards the fence by our car, nibbling and making goaty noises. i talked to them and soon discovered a hidden talent i posses. i am THE GOAT WHISPERER. they loved me. we communicated. it was magical. and not only that, but they were freaking adorable, too. they were excited to have us visiting and just went about their little goatly lives, sporting beards and paying zero attention to my crazed dog in the backseat. since making their acquaintance, my mother, the dog and i have revisited our hoofed friends on a few occasions. they never cease to greet us with genuine excitement and dopey cuteness. my summer is now complete thanks to the goat friends i have made.
8.02.2010
DAY TWENTY-ONE ~ 8.2
ironically on the day of my 21st post i discussed alcohol at work, sharing harrowing stories of nights that i will never forget and some that i can't remember. getting skanked up for the tarts and vicars party in Fairfield A107. playing beer pong and quarters on Thursdays sophomore year after The Office. pre-new year's eve 2009 in Bellingham and the real deal with our moose-loving friends to the north, including a whole heck of a lot of tequila. my 21st birthday at John Barleycorn, drinking way too many shots in not a lot of time and getting "hawked" by the toolbags on the dance floor. RKT and i treading in below zero weather through the Chicago streets after dark, post margarita bonanza and Cesar's betrothal to Rachie. boardgame madness with the girls at one of the coolest bars in the city, Guthries. the Stitely Entertainment V-day massacre 2010 with my euro gay escort and keeks. ballhands' and my Funk Phenomenon complete with turquoise leggings and a triumphant return to John Barleycorn for some Trout time and foreign network jamming. bananas foster and the "gingo" with my mom, Kira and a bottle of rum. my 10 vodka-sodas (with a splash of cranberry) in 3 hours with Mads at Mad River. followed closely by my pink pasta puke explosion. one fateful game of blackjack <3. the end of senior year that seemed like a blur of drunken nights and hilarious escapades. drinking in Mertz and feeling like a rule-breaking badass. my drunken, sobbing, last minute bus ride with one of the loves of my life, Kaeli, to Damen ball. that one week period in which i drank each and every day, all on Loyola's dime. one VERY special fiesta. saying goodbye for now to Hamilton's, see you later to some incredible people, and i'll never forget to the best four years of my life. and no, not everything i loved about college involved alcohol. i promise.
8.01.2010
DAY NINETEEN ~ 7.31
okay so i recognize that this is yet another late post. but let me give you the low-down on last night's Tomczak household drama.
1) yesterday my mom and i spent the ENTIRE day cleaning. we completely rearranged our den as part of its transition into welcoming guest room. for those of you who don't know, the den has become my father's unibomber cave. he hides in there from, well, everything, and has essentially moved in. this means, it's full of his crap and nothing is organized and he's wasting a ton of space.
2) part of this process involved getting all of the DVDs in one place, and organizing them in a way that will fit and makes them accessible. my mom alphabetized the movies and arranged them neatly on the shelves. then she put all the television shows together and made them neat and tidy, too. another thing you should know about my father is that he owns a ridiculous number of completely worthless DVDs. he buys the dumbest movies and he buys them in bulk. so, my mom's was no small task.
3) all was well, we were busy little worker bees and were making large strides toward greatness. then, Jeffrey came home. and all quickly became very not well. mostly for my mom because i hid in the den alphabetizing books for the bookshelves, but loud and frustrating nonetheless.
i will not bore you with the details of the battle, albeit hilarious, but this, dear friends, is my excuse for a late post. now on to more pleasant matters.
in conducting research for my previous post (random and often hilariously strange laws still in effect in our 50 states), i learned many things about this great nation.
1) most states think oral sex is icky and bad.
2) there are an inordinate number of states with laws regarding the illegality of keeping one's horse or donkey in the bathtub. firstly, how many individuals are in possession of a donkey these days? and, what would be the advantage of bathroom storage of said hoofed creature?
3) Florida has one of the best mixed-bags of crazy when it comes to weird state laws. it was one of only a handful of states where choosing the funniest for my post was a difficult matter.
4) another recurring law, of which the origins still baffle me, is the oft-repeated "persons shall not have ice cream cones in their back pockets." that would just be a sticky awkward mess.
5) back to Florida for a moment, someone had to have attempted to have sexual relations with a porcupine for one state law to have been created. just think about the physics of that for a moment.
6) many states explicitly stipulate that missionary position is the only acceptable way for couples to make sexy time. let's jump into the 21st century, people. we've got sex position-a-day calendars here.
7) according to most states, we are still in a dangerous war with the injuns. it's every man for himself. especially on Sunday at church. bring your rifles, kids. the redskins are coming.
8) for all four years of my college career i lived in what would have been considered by several states a brothel. i will have you know, i made far less money in that time than i would have if i had indeed resided in a brothel. thank you, very much.
1) yesterday my mom and i spent the ENTIRE day cleaning. we completely rearranged our den as part of its transition into welcoming guest room. for those of you who don't know, the den has become my father's unibomber cave. he hides in there from, well, everything, and has essentially moved in. this means, it's full of his crap and nothing is organized and he's wasting a ton of space.
2) part of this process involved getting all of the DVDs in one place, and organizing them in a way that will fit and makes them accessible. my mom alphabetized the movies and arranged them neatly on the shelves. then she put all the television shows together and made them neat and tidy, too. another thing you should know about my father is that he owns a ridiculous number of completely worthless DVDs. he buys the dumbest movies and he buys them in bulk. so, my mom's was no small task.
3) all was well, we were busy little worker bees and were making large strides toward greatness. then, Jeffrey came home. and all quickly became very not well. mostly for my mom because i hid in the den alphabetizing books for the bookshelves, but loud and frustrating nonetheless.
i will not bore you with the details of the battle, albeit hilarious, but this, dear friends, is my excuse for a late post. now on to more pleasant matters.
in conducting research for my previous post (random and often hilariously strange laws still in effect in our 50 states), i learned many things about this great nation.
1) most states think oral sex is icky and bad.
2) there are an inordinate number of states with laws regarding the illegality of keeping one's horse or donkey in the bathtub. firstly, how many individuals are in possession of a donkey these days? and, what would be the advantage of bathroom storage of said hoofed creature?
3) Florida has one of the best mixed-bags of crazy when it comes to weird state laws. it was one of only a handful of states where choosing the funniest for my post was a difficult matter.
4) another recurring law, of which the origins still baffle me, is the oft-repeated "persons shall not have ice cream cones in their back pockets." that would just be a sticky awkward mess.
5) back to Florida for a moment, someone had to have attempted to have sexual relations with a porcupine for one state law to have been created. just think about the physics of that for a moment.
6) many states explicitly stipulate that missionary position is the only acceptable way for couples to make sexy time. let's jump into the 21st century, people. we've got sex position-a-day calendars here.
7) according to most states, we are still in a dangerous war with the injuns. it's every man for himself. especially on Sunday at church. bring your rifles, kids. the redskins are coming.
8) for all four years of my college career i lived in what would have been considered by several states a brothel. i will have you know, i made far less money in that time than i would have if i had indeed resided in a brothel. thank you, very much.
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