i fully recognize that i've already done listy posts, but as i said before, i dig lists. big time. and after working a long, hard, busy week, the last thing i want to do is come home and think too hard. therefore, i give you another list. this time, for post eighteen, i honor every American citizen's voting rights (bequeathed at age eighteen) with a list of crazy laws. why? because ridiculous laws still exist in every state regardless of whether you voted them in or not. oh, and because many are down-right hilarious.
Alabama: It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. (i guess that means my Mario costume is out)
Alaska: Moose may not be viewed from an airplane. (i'll look at a moose whenever i want, thank you very much)
Arizona: You may not have more than two dildos in a house. (how many does a girl need, really?)
Arkansas: A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. (she's gotta have some time to heal, obviously)
California: Women may not drive in a house coat. (women really shouldn't do much of anything in a house coat)
Colorado: One may not mutilate a rock in a state park. (how does one mutilate a rock?)
Connecticut: In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. (i like my pickles extra bouncy)
Deleware: It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink. (they've really got your back in the "First State")
Florida: Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. (strapless is the most flattering, though)
Georgia: It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. (anywhere else and you're a go to drop the f-bomb)
Hawaii: Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears. (what if it's magic?)
Idaho: You may not fish on a camel’s back. (i was not aware that camels were often found in Idaho)
Illinois: You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. (it's not a lie when i tell beggars i don't have any cash or change, but now that i know about the law...)
Indiana: It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (i wish this were a law on the CTA)
Iowa: One-armed piano players must perform for free. (i think i'd be willing to pay half price)
Kansas: No one may catch fish with his bare hands. (but that's the badass way!)
Kentucky: One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. (blue=bad, but green=go...got it)
Louisiana: It is illegal to gargle in public places. (pocket Listerine sales must be pretty low)
Maine: After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. (why is this not national? get it in your heads, people. Christmas is not year round)
Maryland: Thistles may not grow in one’s yard. (stop the thistle invasion!)
Massachusetts: It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients. (the hospital seems like the best place to get blasted, though)
Michigan: The last Sunday in June of every year was named log cabin day. (oooh, i smell a new favorite holiday!)
Minnesota: Oral sex is prohibited. (oops...my bad)
Mississippi: Private citizens may personally arrest any person that disturbs a church service. (that power would go to my head so fast)
Missouri: Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar. (pay up, boys)
Montana: Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them. (aren't we supposed to call them Native Americans now?)
Nebraska: It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. (yum. soup and beer is my favorite)
Nevada: It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. (seriously, where are all these camels coming from?)
New Hampshire: It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach. (no sushi for you)
New Jersey: It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. (apparently guidos are big knitters. they didn't show that dark side on Jersey Shore)
New Mexico: Idiots may not vote. (this needs to be strongly and widely enforced)
New York: It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. (sure, take all the fun out of the game)
North Carolina: It’s against the law to sing off key. (William Hung - be warned)
North Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. (so seated is kosher...whew)
Ohio: It is illegal to get a fish drunk. (well you aren't supposed to swim drunk, so i guess that's logical)
Oklahoma: People who make “ugly faces” at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. (the dogs didn't do anything to you, meany-head)
Oregon: Dishes must drip dry. (it's more earth friendly...just what the granola Oregonians like)
Pennsylvania: It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (i guess they'll have to move all their fridges off the lawn)
Rhode Island: No one may bite off another's leg. (fine, i'll get the saw then)
South Carolina: A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine. (wouldn't want to get the kiddies hooked on the pinball)
South Dakota: It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. (how could you fall asleep with all that cheese around?)
Tennessee: It is legal to gather and consume roadkill. (that opossum is gonna get gamey if we don't cook it up soon)
Texas: It is illegal to milk another person’s cow. (haha...dirty)
Utah: It is illegal to cause a catastrophe. (but chaos is so much more fun)
Vermont: Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. (he's gotta know your chompers are fake, duh)
Virginia: Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. (note to self: Virginia is NOT the state for me)
Washington: All lollipops are banned. (i know how many licks to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop...i'm such a rebel)
West Virginia: Whistling underwater is prohibited. (sounds like a good way to drown)
Wisconsin: Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. (the hardened criminals deserve the real deal)
Wyoming: You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit. (the bunnies need their beauty rest)
7.30.2010
7.29.2010
DAY SEVENTEEN ~ 7.29
where? oh, where have you gone, my dear black shirt? how have i lost thee? now that all of my dirty laundry is clean and put away, your absence is even more apparent. if you had wanted a different warm body to show you off, i would have taken the rejection well. but your mysterious disappearance is worrying. i am saddened by this loss, for you had grown quickly to favored status. i shall mourn you for quite some time. or until i find you hidden somewhere in plain sight.
today i spoke to a Mrs. Alcock and a Mr. Toothaker. in one day. jackpot! RKT and i decided that her new slogan would be inspired by the bravery of my dear friend Mrs. Alcock: "Alcock, all the time." clever, right? i think so. do you get it? it's a double entendre, a sexual innuendo. ha. i'm so funny. gosh i hope Mr. Toothaker is a dentist...
today i spoke to a Mrs. Alcock and a Mr. Toothaker. in one day. jackpot! RKT and i decided that her new slogan would be inspired by the bravery of my dear friend Mrs. Alcock: "Alcock, all the time." clever, right? i think so. do you get it? it's a double entendre, a sexual innuendo. ha. i'm so funny. gosh i hope Mr. Toothaker is a dentist...
7.28.2010
DAY SIXTEEN ~ 7.28
for my sweet sixteen post i'm going to make another list, because making lists is one of my favorite hobbies. this list revolves around another of my favorite pastimes, reading. i have had a life-long love affair with books, which i have my parents to thank for. i love to read - it's such a tactile, sensual, transporting and transformative experience. so, the following are 16 books that greatly impacted me in one way or another. if you care to learn more, just ask me. i love talking about books i've read.
1. A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole
2. The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
3. To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
4. The World According to Garp, by John Irving
5. The B.F.G., by Roald Dahl
6. Everything is Illuminated, by Johnathan Safran Foer
7. Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides
8. Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad
9. The House of the Spirits, by Isabel Allende
10. Corazon Tan Blanco/A Heart So White, by Javier Marias
11. Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut
12. In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote
13. A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle
14. The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, by Junot Diaz
15. The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls
16. The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood
there are so many more books that have touched me, changed me, influenced me, and that i have loved, but to list them all would take forever. this list is in no particular order, and does not even represent my 16 favorite books of all time, but it gives a good snapshot of the words that have stayed with me.
1. A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole
2. The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
3. To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
4. The World According to Garp, by John Irving
5. The B.F.G., by Roald Dahl
6. Everything is Illuminated, by Johnathan Safran Foer
7. Middlesex, by Jeffrey Eugenides
8. Heart of Darkness, by Joseph Conrad
9. The House of the Spirits, by Isabel Allende
10. Corazon Tan Blanco/A Heart So White, by Javier Marias
11. Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut
12. In Cold Blood, by Truman Capote
13. A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle
14. The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, by Junot Diaz
15. The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls
16. The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood
there are so many more books that have touched me, changed me, influenced me, and that i have loved, but to list them all would take forever. this list is in no particular order, and does not even represent my 16 favorite books of all time, but it gives a good snapshot of the words that have stayed with me.
DAY FIFTEEN ~ 7.27
i acknowlege that this post is late, but i fell asleep last night after watching a movie and talking to boyfriend on the phone. so, better late than never, i guess.
an open letter to Mark Wahlberg:
Dear Marky-Mark,
You, sir, are a first-class badass. I have known this for quite some time, but I felt you deserved to have it reiterated to you in written form. I have followed your illustrious career for some time, since your early days as a white Southie rapper. You had your own gang, and even though they were called a "Funky Bunch," I knew their true nature. Back then you wore Calvins under your baggy jeans, a bandana on your head, and were followed around by bootylicious black girls clinging to chain-link fences and oddly dressed, yet toned, black men.
What a transformation you have made! Now as an Oscar-nominated actor, you are followed around by millions of screaming fans, the paparazzi, and directors like Martin Scorsese. But, beneath all of your leading man swagger, I still see the poor Irish kid from Boston. He's done jail time, and I think he's fantastic. He's got a Southie style you can't deny, my friend.
I, for one, would like to thank you for honoring him in the vast majority of your big-picture roles. You are the consummate bad good-guy. The one who shows up guns blazing to fight for what's right in the dirtiest way possible. You tear down egos and give "point-blank range" a whole new meaning. I mean, how can anyone call you a bad guy when you are always doing what is ultimately right? Sure you spill a lot of blood in the process, and you generally act like a guilty criminal. Oh, and you have a filthy mouth. But, plain badassery should not be confused with law-breaking. You do show a great disdain for rules and authority. But, really, what average teenager doesn't do that? No, sir. What you've got is different. You are on a whole other plane of disregard.
I would like to commend you on being so open and cool about your third nipple. That's just another example of how sure of your own badassness you are. An extra nipple can't hold you down! It can only add to your mystique. Besides, when your shirt is off, I can guarantee people are not looking at anything but your rippling musculature. And the fact that you are willing to cry in films is also very endearing, and a quality of a true man. You are one of the most masculine cryers I have ever seen. Real pain, real tears, real tough guy.
I don't want to take up too much of your time, so I will bring this letter to a close. I hope that I have done my part to reassure you of your readily apparent badass nature. You are a man's man. You are a ladies' man. We love to watch you kick ass and not care about taking names. We appreciate the transition you made from scrappy Boston boyhood, to real life street crime, to rap super-stardom, your brief but memorable modeling career, and finally to the classy and suited leading man we know today. And most of all, Mark, we totally dig your status as the ultimate BAMF.
Sincerely and in awe,
Claire "Good Vibrations" Tomczak
an open letter to Mark Wahlberg:
Dear Marky-Mark,
You, sir, are a first-class badass. I have known this for quite some time, but I felt you deserved to have it reiterated to you in written form. I have followed your illustrious career for some time, since your early days as a white Southie rapper. You had your own gang, and even though they were called a "Funky Bunch," I knew their true nature. Back then you wore Calvins under your baggy jeans, a bandana on your head, and were followed around by bootylicious black girls clinging to chain-link fences and oddly dressed, yet toned, black men.
What a transformation you have made! Now as an Oscar-nominated actor, you are followed around by millions of screaming fans, the paparazzi, and directors like Martin Scorsese. But, beneath all of your leading man swagger, I still see the poor Irish kid from Boston. He's done jail time, and I think he's fantastic. He's got a Southie style you can't deny, my friend.
I, for one, would like to thank you for honoring him in the vast majority of your big-picture roles. You are the consummate bad good-guy. The one who shows up guns blazing to fight for what's right in the dirtiest way possible. You tear down egos and give "point-blank range" a whole new meaning. I mean, how can anyone call you a bad guy when you are always doing what is ultimately right? Sure you spill a lot of blood in the process, and you generally act like a guilty criminal. Oh, and you have a filthy mouth. But, plain badassery should not be confused with law-breaking. You do show a great disdain for rules and authority. But, really, what average teenager doesn't do that? No, sir. What you've got is different. You are on a whole other plane of disregard.
I would like to commend you on being so open and cool about your third nipple. That's just another example of how sure of your own badassness you are. An extra nipple can't hold you down! It can only add to your mystique. Besides, when your shirt is off, I can guarantee people are not looking at anything but your rippling musculature. And the fact that you are willing to cry in films is also very endearing, and a quality of a true man. You are one of the most masculine cryers I have ever seen. Real pain, real tears, real tough guy.
I don't want to take up too much of your time, so I will bring this letter to a close. I hope that I have done my part to reassure you of your readily apparent badass nature. You are a man's man. You are a ladies' man. We love to watch you kick ass and not care about taking names. We appreciate the transition you made from scrappy Boston boyhood, to real life street crime, to rap super-stardom, your brief but memorable modeling career, and finally to the classy and suited leading man we know today. And most of all, Mark, we totally dig your status as the ultimate BAMF.
Sincerely and in awe,
Claire "Good Vibrations" Tomczak
7.27.2010
SUPERFLUOUS POST TWO
i wanted to feel like a Myspacer again, so i'm rocking this survey pretty hard.
What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning? push snooze on my alarm, then text the boy.
Do you prefer a shower or bath? shower...but i think i could really get into the whole bath thing.
How many times a day do you brush your teeth? generally once.
How often do you find yourself thinking about your ex? i don't. ever.
What kind of cell phone do you have? an LG something or other.
What would you do with a 10 bill you found on the ground? pocket that shit, yo.
Have you said "I love you" today? haven't said t, but i've thought it.
What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten? when the kid in 3rd grade cracked his head open on the linoleum floor. yuck.
Did you cry at your graduation or smile because you were glad it was over? high school, i smiled. college, i smiled through tears.
Are you closer with your mom or dad? gee, tough question. MOM. duhhh.
Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? my pale Irish skin doesn't know what to do with either.
Is chocolate really better than sex? nope. it is not.
What are 2 of your favorite movies? The Breakfast Club and What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
What's the last thing you think about before going to sleep at night? well, there's this one boy ;)
What would you do if your best friend jumped on your ex the day after you two split? i would be supportive of thier choice to make their homosexuality public. embrace the love, people.
How many rumors have you heard about yourself? i generally don't hear rumors so much as whispers of my greatness.
Does your life seem to revolve around drama? i have made a life choice to be drama-free. join the movement.
What's a nickname you go by? Maddie calls me Claire-ze and Mike calls me Tommy. it's pretty much a grab bag.
How do you calm down when your extremely angry? go for a walk, or eat cake.
Do you prefer to work hard or hardly work? i generally like to feel busy, but right now i can tell you i am not working at all.
What are 3 places you want to see in the world? Ireland, Egypt, Greece.
A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date? well seeing as my first date with the boy was a movie...i would say movie. Ironman 2 was a great night ;)
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex? eyes, smile or laugh, and hands.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? oh gosh, 5 months is too far out for me right now!
In 10? seriously? i'll be in my 30s. let's just not think about it.
Do long distance relationships actually work out? look who you are talking to, fool. mine certainly does <3
What are 2 of your favorite places to eat? how about we stick with cuisine - give me Mexican or Italian any day.
3 of your favorite places to shop? i like shoes, purses, and food. grocery shopping is legitimately one of my favorite pastimes.
Do you currently have a job? i am currently at my job.
Which would you prefer...be rich and miserable, or poor and extremely happy? poor and extremely happy. i'll stick with what i know.
What's one of your favorite TV shows? The Office.
What did you want to be when you "grew up"? a marine biologist. i made a hat in first grade to prove it.
Would you ever date someone covered in tats and piercings? define covered. my boyfriend has 5 tats...and counting.
What's your favorite perfume or cologne for the opposite sex? Kenneth Cole Black. because of Jeremy.
Do you believe the first kiss tells you everything you need to know about the relationship? no. that would be a foolish way of thinking. but ours was pretty easy, just like being his girlfriend. <3
Do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea? yes, in fact. i do. he has a pet snail named Gary.
How many showers do you take in one day? generally one. i don't have time for any more.
Would you want a house at the beach or in the mountains? the beach. but not a California beach.
Which would you rather have...a huge walk in shower or a jacuzzi bath tub big enough for 2? huge walk in showers are pretty sweet. but if i could have one i would most likely be able to afford both.
What are 2 of your favorite colors? teal and navy blue.
Do you look up or at your feet when you walk? up. i'm a big people watcher. i notice everything.
Who do you prefer...Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Rachel will always win. always.
What's your favorite ice cream? i thoroughly enjoy just plain old chocolate.
Do you like Starbucks...or are they just overpriced? not my favorite, but kind of hard to avoid.
Are you a prep or a jeans-and-t-shirt type of person? jeans and t-shirt for sure.
What color are your eyes? green. sometimes blue. sometimes hazel. i've got trick eyeballs.
Do you have glasses or contacts? i'm a spectacles gal.
Ever had someone you love tell you they never want to see or talk to you again? nope. people love me.
How many times has an ex just called you up when you least expect it? twice. different dudes. both unwanted.
Is it love at first sight or lust? i can't really say for sure.
Which do you want...a big extravagant wedding or a quiet intimate ceremony? quiet and intimate. the reception will be rockin', though.
What's the most expensive thing you own? my laptop, maybe? i'm not good with numbers.
What's the most you've ever spent on a pair of jeans? $60.
What color are your bedroom walls? khaki-ish.
Do you ever actually make your bed? that's a habit i need to adopt.
How many pillows do you have to sleep with? i've only got one head.
Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone? i've been called a "cuddle-bug."
What is one of your pet peeves? poor grammar.
What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker? my mom snores, and i used to sleep walk. so neither is really a deal breaker.
What's the craziest thing you've ever done? i guess i'm not a very extreme individual.
Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump? if i had to choose, i would say bungee jump.
Ever been outside of the US? technically Canada is a separate country.
Ever think Texas should just be part of Mexico? i don't know that i spend a lot of time thinking about Texas.
Are the shows on MTV too fake? too fake? no. just fake enough? absolutely.
Do you have to have some kind of noise to fall asleep? complete silence is sometimes unnerving.
What time is it right now? 10:49am.
What's your zodiac sign? Libra.
How long does it usually take you to get dressed? not very long. i try not to overthink it.
Do you prefer to call or text someone? depends on the person and the reason. texting is easier, and i can do it more often than call.
Who is your celebrity heart-throb? heart-throb makes me feel 12. and i have many leading men.
Would you have survived 100 years ago? oh, yeah. i'm of hearty stock.
What do you think the world will be like in 30 years? i think it will be older.
Do you have to be the center of attention? i don't choose the spotlight, it chooses me.
Do you save your money or spend it when you get your hands on it? saving is the only way to get to Chicago.
Are you a party animal or someone who prefers to stay in? i'm a major homebody.
Ever been told you are "The Life of The Party"? how did you know my middle name?
Did you get a new year's kiss? not yet. i've got high hopes for 2011.
What was one thing you wanted for your birthday you didn't get? i got more than i could have asked for.
Are you a happy person? it makes no sense to be sad.
If money was no option...what type car would you own? one that parallel parks for me.
How many concerts have you been to? more than i care to count. upwards of 15 for sure.
What are 3 set radio stations in your vehicle right now? KISS 106.1, NPR 94.9, and The End 107.7.
Do they "wear-out" good songs by over playing them? KISS knows no other way.
What's one thing you always said you'd never do but have done? developed an overwhelming desire to live in Chicago.
Have you ever flat ironed your hair? yeah. but i call it straightening, because i'm hip.
Ever been told your a flirt? people mistake my gregarious nature for flirtation. also i'm a tactile person.
What have you done that you are proud of? graduated Magna Cum Laude from college.
Do you go to church every Sunday? no. not since i started college.
Do you have a hidden talent? i don't know that i've got much of anything hidden.
Are you an adrenaline junkie or someone who plays-it-safe? i think i'm fairly well stationed in the middle.
Do you like water parks? i very much do.
What do you normally eat for breakfast? toast with marionberry jam, cereal, or oatmeal.
Do you like to cuddle? i believe i mentioned "cuddle-bug" earlier.
Do you have an actual comforter on your bed? i do. it's even got a duvet cover on it.
Do you like the heat or cold weather? i would prefer to be too cold than too hot. mostly because sweaters, coats, hats and scarves are cute.
What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? i really enjoyed Arthur.
Do you prefer dogs or cats? canine trumps feline.
When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked? no. does anybody?
Have you ever seen a ghost? i think so.
What's the best movie you've seen recently? Inception. everyone should see it.
Do you prefer scary movies or comedies? comedies. i dont' do scary too well.
Ever had a huge crush on someone and never tell them? nope. if i see something i like i go for it.
Are you a bashful or outgoing person? i'm an ENFJ. extrovert all the way, baby.
If you could change one thing about your body...would you? i wouldn't get plastic surgery, if that's what you are asking.
If someone held a gun to your head and asked you..."Do you believe in God?" what would you say? i would say yes. and i would also say, "kindly remove the gun from my temple."
Would you drive 1000 miles for the one you love? i certainly would.
What is one thing you were given as a child and still have? Teddy. the Ted-ster. Ted-man. Ted-erino.
Do you have a favorite shirt or pair of jeans you wear over and over? i got an overwhelming number of free shirts during college. i sport those fairly often.
Will you move away from your hometown any time soon? God willing.
Does love really make you act crazy? i hope it doesn't make me insane...
How many texts do you send on average a month? almost 2000. thank goodness for unlimited messaging.
Have you ever talked to a psychic? other than RKT? no.
How many kids do you want? more than one. and mostly boys.
What's your favorite name for a girl and boy? i like boy names for girls and for boys. i can't pick just one favorite, though. they are so person-dependent.
Have you ever actually snuck out of your house? nope.
How many things have you done that your parents don't know about? there are a choice few.
Ever been taken to jail? no way, jose.
What are you about to do now that this survey is over? waste more time until lunch. i'm really good at that.
What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning? push snooze on my alarm, then text the boy.
Do you prefer a shower or bath? shower...but i think i could really get into the whole bath thing.
How many times a day do you brush your teeth? generally once.
How often do you find yourself thinking about your ex? i don't. ever.
What kind of cell phone do you have? an LG something or other.
What would you do with a 10 bill you found on the ground? pocket that shit, yo.
Have you said "I love you" today? haven't said t, but i've thought it.
What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten? when the kid in 3rd grade cracked his head open on the linoleum floor. yuck.
Did you cry at your graduation or smile because you were glad it was over? high school, i smiled. college, i smiled through tears.
Are you closer with your mom or dad? gee, tough question. MOM. duhhh.
Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? my pale Irish skin doesn't know what to do with either.
Is chocolate really better than sex? nope. it is not.
What are 2 of your favorite movies? The Breakfast Club and What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
What's the last thing you think about before going to sleep at night? well, there's this one boy ;)
What would you do if your best friend jumped on your ex the day after you two split? i would be supportive of thier choice to make their homosexuality public. embrace the love, people.
How many rumors have you heard about yourself? i generally don't hear rumors so much as whispers of my greatness.
Does your life seem to revolve around drama? i have made a life choice to be drama-free. join the movement.
What's a nickname you go by? Maddie calls me Claire-ze and Mike calls me Tommy. it's pretty much a grab bag.
How do you calm down when your extremely angry? go for a walk, or eat cake.
Do you prefer to work hard or hardly work? i generally like to feel busy, but right now i can tell you i am not working at all.
What are 3 places you want to see in the world? Ireland, Egypt, Greece.
A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date? well seeing as my first date with the boy was a movie...i would say movie. Ironman 2 was a great night ;)
What are 3 of the first things you notice about the opposite sex? eyes, smile or laugh, and hands.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? oh gosh, 5 months is too far out for me right now!
In 10? seriously? i'll be in my 30s. let's just not think about it.
Do long distance relationships actually work out? look who you are talking to, fool. mine certainly does <3
What are 2 of your favorite places to eat? how about we stick with cuisine - give me Mexican or Italian any day.
3 of your favorite places to shop? i like shoes, purses, and food. grocery shopping is legitimately one of my favorite pastimes.
Do you currently have a job? i am currently at my job.
Which would you prefer...be rich and miserable, or poor and extremely happy? poor and extremely happy. i'll stick with what i know.
What's one of your favorite TV shows? The Office.
What did you want to be when you "grew up"? a marine biologist. i made a hat in first grade to prove it.
Would you ever date someone covered in tats and piercings? define covered. my boyfriend has 5 tats...and counting.
What's your favorite perfume or cologne for the opposite sex? Kenneth Cole Black. because of Jeremy.
Do you believe the first kiss tells you everything you need to know about the relationship? no. that would be a foolish way of thinking. but ours was pretty easy, just like being his girlfriend. <3
Do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea? yes, in fact. i do. he has a pet snail named Gary.
How many showers do you take in one day? generally one. i don't have time for any more.
Would you want a house at the beach or in the mountains? the beach. but not a California beach.
Which would you rather have...a huge walk in shower or a jacuzzi bath tub big enough for 2? huge walk in showers are pretty sweet. but if i could have one i would most likely be able to afford both.
What are 2 of your favorite colors? teal and navy blue.
Do you look up or at your feet when you walk? up. i'm a big people watcher. i notice everything.
Who do you prefer...Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Rachel will always win. always.
What's your favorite ice cream? i thoroughly enjoy just plain old chocolate.
Do you like Starbucks...or are they just overpriced? not my favorite, but kind of hard to avoid.
Are you a prep or a jeans-and-t-shirt type of person? jeans and t-shirt for sure.
What color are your eyes? green. sometimes blue. sometimes hazel. i've got trick eyeballs.
Do you have glasses or contacts? i'm a spectacles gal.
Ever had someone you love tell you they never want to see or talk to you again? nope. people love me.
How many times has an ex just called you up when you least expect it? twice. different dudes. both unwanted.
Is it love at first sight or lust? i can't really say for sure.
Which do you want...a big extravagant wedding or a quiet intimate ceremony? quiet and intimate. the reception will be rockin', though.
What's the most expensive thing you own? my laptop, maybe? i'm not good with numbers.
What's the most you've ever spent on a pair of jeans? $60.
What color are your bedroom walls? khaki-ish.
Do you ever actually make your bed? that's a habit i need to adopt.
How many pillows do you have to sleep with? i've only got one head.
Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone? i've been called a "cuddle-bug."
What is one of your pet peeves? poor grammar.
What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walker? my mom snores, and i used to sleep walk. so neither is really a deal breaker.
What's the craziest thing you've ever done? i guess i'm not a very extreme individual.
Would you rather sky dive or bungee jump? if i had to choose, i would say bungee jump.
Ever been outside of the US? technically Canada is a separate country.
Ever think Texas should just be part of Mexico? i don't know that i spend a lot of time thinking about Texas.
Are the shows on MTV too fake? too fake? no. just fake enough? absolutely.
Do you have to have some kind of noise to fall asleep? complete silence is sometimes unnerving.
What time is it right now? 10:49am.
What's your zodiac sign? Libra.
How long does it usually take you to get dressed? not very long. i try not to overthink it.
Do you prefer to call or text someone? depends on the person and the reason. texting is easier, and i can do it more often than call.
Who is your celebrity heart-throb? heart-throb makes me feel 12. and i have many leading men.
Would you have survived 100 years ago? oh, yeah. i'm of hearty stock.
What do you think the world will be like in 30 years? i think it will be older.
Do you have to be the center of attention? i don't choose the spotlight, it chooses me.
Do you save your money or spend it when you get your hands on it? saving is the only way to get to Chicago.
Are you a party animal or someone who prefers to stay in? i'm a major homebody.
Ever been told you are "The Life of The Party"? how did you know my middle name?
Did you get a new year's kiss? not yet. i've got high hopes for 2011.
What was one thing you wanted for your birthday you didn't get? i got more than i could have asked for.
Are you a happy person? it makes no sense to be sad.
If money was no option...what type car would you own? one that parallel parks for me.
How many concerts have you been to? more than i care to count. upwards of 15 for sure.
What are 3 set radio stations in your vehicle right now? KISS 106.1, NPR 94.9, and The End 107.7.
Do they "wear-out" good songs by over playing them? KISS knows no other way.
What's one thing you always said you'd never do but have done? developed an overwhelming desire to live in Chicago.
Have you ever flat ironed your hair? yeah. but i call it straightening, because i'm hip.
Ever been told your a flirt? people mistake my gregarious nature for flirtation. also i'm a tactile person.
What have you done that you are proud of? graduated Magna Cum Laude from college.
Do you go to church every Sunday? no. not since i started college.
Do you have a hidden talent? i don't know that i've got much of anything hidden.
Are you an adrenaline junkie or someone who plays-it-safe? i think i'm fairly well stationed in the middle.
Do you like water parks? i very much do.
What do you normally eat for breakfast? toast with marionberry jam, cereal, or oatmeal.
Do you like to cuddle? i believe i mentioned "cuddle-bug" earlier.
Do you have an actual comforter on your bed? i do. it's even got a duvet cover on it.
Do you like the heat or cold weather? i would prefer to be too cold than too hot. mostly because sweaters, coats, hats and scarves are cute.
What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? i really enjoyed Arthur.
Do you prefer dogs or cats? canine trumps feline.
When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked? no. does anybody?
Have you ever seen a ghost? i think so.
What's the best movie you've seen recently? Inception. everyone should see it.
Do you prefer scary movies or comedies? comedies. i dont' do scary too well.
Ever had a huge crush on someone and never tell them? nope. if i see something i like i go for it.
Are you a bashful or outgoing person? i'm an ENFJ. extrovert all the way, baby.
If you could change one thing about your body...would you? i wouldn't get plastic surgery, if that's what you are asking.
If someone held a gun to your head and asked you..."Do you believe in God?" what would you say? i would say yes. and i would also say, "kindly remove the gun from my temple."
Would you drive 1000 miles for the one you love? i certainly would.
What is one thing you were given as a child and still have? Teddy. the Ted-ster. Ted-man. Ted-erino.
Do you have a favorite shirt or pair of jeans you wear over and over? i got an overwhelming number of free shirts during college. i sport those fairly often.
Will you move away from your hometown any time soon? God willing.
Does love really make you act crazy? i hope it doesn't make me insane...
How many texts do you send on average a month? almost 2000. thank goodness for unlimited messaging.
Have you ever talked to a psychic? other than RKT? no.
How many kids do you want? more than one. and mostly boys.
What's your favorite name for a girl and boy? i like boy names for girls and for boys. i can't pick just one favorite, though. they are so person-dependent.
Have you ever actually snuck out of your house? nope.
How many things have you done that your parents don't know about? there are a choice few.
Ever been taken to jail? no way, jose.
What are you about to do now that this survey is over? waste more time until lunch. i'm really good at that.
7.26.2010
DAY FOURTEEN ~ 7.26
sometimes i think seltzer is boring. not today. for some reason, lemon-lime seltzer is perfect today. it's a wonderfully bubbly way to refresh myself after a long sweaty day doing shipment. thanks for being there for me, in all of your citrusy goodness.
i wanted cinnamon roll oatmeal to be so much better than it was. i had really high hopes, i believed in the power of Quaker to deliver. unfortunately i was let down. somewhat cinnamony? yes. as scrumptious as a fresh out of the oven and smothered in icing cinnamon roll? absolutely not. i will still eat it, but only because we bought a Costco variety pack and there are quite a few left. i'm just saying, it's no maple and brown sugar, or even apples and cinnamon.
i feel like being asian isn't as badass as they make it seem in Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End. if put in a compromising situation, i feel fairly confident that i could take an asian. but chow yun-fat's got some burly Singaporean dudes that i wouldn't want to tangle with. his talon-like nails are intimidating, too. oh, and i seriously have a thing against rat-tails. it has never been, nor will it ever be, a good look, no matter how hard unfortunate 4th grade boys and chow yun-fat's asian militia try.
i wanted cinnamon roll oatmeal to be so much better than it was. i had really high hopes, i believed in the power of Quaker to deliver. unfortunately i was let down. somewhat cinnamony? yes. as scrumptious as a fresh out of the oven and smothered in icing cinnamon roll? absolutely not. i will still eat it, but only because we bought a Costco variety pack and there are quite a few left. i'm just saying, it's no maple and brown sugar, or even apples and cinnamon.
i feel like being asian isn't as badass as they make it seem in Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End. if put in a compromising situation, i feel fairly confident that i could take an asian. but chow yun-fat's got some burly Singaporean dudes that i wouldn't want to tangle with. his talon-like nails are intimidating, too. oh, and i seriously have a thing against rat-tails. it has never been, nor will it ever be, a good look, no matter how hard unfortunate 4th grade boys and chow yun-fat's asian militia try.
7.25.2010
DAY THIRTEEN ~ 7.25
RKT and i have made an important discovery tonight. the best, and really only, way to tell someone you like-like them is to throw in the word hump somewhere. how do we spell love in the 21st century? h-u-m-p. it's classy and humorous, and a great way to break the news. "so i think you should know that whatever you were planning for our next encounter has been put on hold. why, you ask? oh, well we will be too busy humping. duh." and, if you can manage to have this revealing conversation on a Wednesday, gold star for you. hump-day deserves nothing more than to be a celebration of your willingness or desire to hump with someone. so, ladies and gentlemen, hump away.
in celebration of day thirteen of this little blog experiment, i am going to share a list of thirteen places i would like to travel to in my life. by no means is this list exhaustive, but it's a great way for me to fill space. for pretty much all of these places, the city is just a landing point. i generally want to see it all if i want to see any little part.
1. Giza, Egypt - to see the pyramids and sphinx
2. Melbourne, Australia (oh, and Sydney, too...maybe Perth)
3. Chichen-Itza, Mexico - to see the ruins (ultimately i want to go on a trip to all of the major Central American ruins)
4. Athens, Greece
5. Madrid, Spain
6. London, England
7. Dublin, Ireland (to drink Guinness, of course. and maybe also county Clare, just for the heck of it)
8. Rome, Italy
9. Istanbul, Turkey (Istanbul not Constantinople...)
10. Krakow, Poland (i think visiting Auschwitz-Birkenau would be fascinating, as horrible and sad as it all is)
11. Prague, Czech Republic
12. Berlin, Germany
13. Cuzco, Peru (to see Machu Picchu, duh)
in celebration of day thirteen of this little blog experiment, i am going to share a list of thirteen places i would like to travel to in my life. by no means is this list exhaustive, but it's a great way for me to fill space. for pretty much all of these places, the city is just a landing point. i generally want to see it all if i want to see any little part.
1. Giza, Egypt - to see the pyramids and sphinx
2. Melbourne, Australia (oh, and Sydney, too...maybe Perth)
3. Chichen-Itza, Mexico - to see the ruins (ultimately i want to go on a trip to all of the major Central American ruins)
4. Athens, Greece
5. Madrid, Spain
6. London, England
7. Dublin, Ireland (to drink Guinness, of course. and maybe also county Clare, just for the heck of it)
8. Rome, Italy
9. Istanbul, Turkey (Istanbul not Constantinople...)
10. Krakow, Poland (i think visiting Auschwitz-Birkenau would be fascinating, as horrible and sad as it all is)
11. Prague, Czech Republic
12. Berlin, Germany
13. Cuzco, Peru (to see Machu Picchu, duh)
7.24.2010
DAY TWELVE ~ 7.24
my 3-year old cousin Adie says all of her "f"s as "s-h"s which makes for a lot of non-stop cute. my favorites: beautishul, bushalo, pershect, shavorite, and shunny. i totally want my children to have an adorable speech impediment. i also want them to love Mrs. Potato Head as much as Adie does. she screamed "tayto!" when she opened up her present today. i agree, Adie, tayto indeed.
you are right crazed artist man with wild long curly locks, the rainbows probably wouldn't be good for your canvas. also, i'm glad we were able to work your installation around your recurring chiropractic visits. whew, was i nervous.
you are right crazed artist man with wild long curly locks, the rainbows probably wouldn't be good for your canvas. also, i'm glad we were able to work your installation around your recurring chiropractic visits. whew, was i nervous.
7.23.2010
DAY ELEVEN ~ 7.23
my movie review of Inception? two words: holy. shit. everyone needs to see this film, it is truly incredible. so inventive and original. i did a little research after seeing it this afternoon, and was shocked and awed to learn that Christopher Nolan created this concept on his own...when he was about 16. he is a true genius. i refuse to say anything about what happens, but if you see it and want to discuss, give me a call. i will personally stalk and maim the Academy if Nolan and several actors in the film don't get the true recognition they deserve. (and i don't just mean my love Joseph Gordon-Levitt.)
my boyfriend on the subject of toys: "my toys were ballin' out of control." "my toy game was on lock." "i seriously got down to some Beast Wars." and i can tell when he's getting fired up about something, because he starts calling me "dude." how adorable. <3
i have an unhealthy obsession with school supplies. i also thoroughly enjoy stationery. this fall will be the first in the past 17 years where i don't have an excuse to go buy pens and other completely unnecessary items in the name of back to school. how sad. i don't know what i will do with myself come September. i might have to soothe my pain with some pretty stationery or a nice new fancy pen.
my boyfriend on the subject of toys: "my toys were ballin' out of control." "my toy game was on lock." "i seriously got down to some Beast Wars." and i can tell when he's getting fired up about something, because he starts calling me "dude." how adorable. <3
i have an unhealthy obsession with school supplies. i also thoroughly enjoy stationery. this fall will be the first in the past 17 years where i don't have an excuse to go buy pens and other completely unnecessary items in the name of back to school. how sad. i don't know what i will do with myself come September. i might have to soothe my pain with some pretty stationery or a nice new fancy pen.
7.22.2010
DAY TEN ~ 7.22
United States of Tara is an amazing show. it may be my new favorite thing, followed closely by Netflix for giving it to me. Toni Colette has long been dear to my heart, but this is out of control. she is flawless...really incredible.
the Napoleonic terror reared his ugly head again today at work. this time, even though he was getting exactly what he wanted on our dime, he decided he needed to personally insult whoever he spoke to on the phone. whoa buddy, you are crossing a big thick line there. slow your roll, and take a step back. you are getting your special part so that your short ass can reach the lock on your ridiculously tall screen door, so shut it.
since i spent the last several hours watching United States of Tara like an addict, i've got nothing else to write about. i'm too distracted by one of Tara's alters, Buck, saying choice one-liners like "if i had a son, he'd be a grade-a pussy hound."
the Napoleonic terror reared his ugly head again today at work. this time, even though he was getting exactly what he wanted on our dime, he decided he needed to personally insult whoever he spoke to on the phone. whoa buddy, you are crossing a big thick line there. slow your roll, and take a step back. you are getting your special part so that your short ass can reach the lock on your ridiculously tall screen door, so shut it.
since i spent the last several hours watching United States of Tara like an addict, i've got nothing else to write about. i'm too distracted by one of Tara's alters, Buck, saying choice one-liners like "if i had a son, he'd be a grade-a pussy hound."
7.21.2010
DAY NINE ~ 7.21
the 'rents returned home tonight (at a fairly inconvenient time...) to find that not only had i vacuumed yesterday, i had also done the dishes, and managed to keep the plants on the back deck alive. that's right, i'm a functioning adult. oohhh, yeahhhhh. bonus: the dog's still alive, too.
i'm not sure how, but today a customer managed to make his diminutive height our fault. basically this is his issue: "i bought an overtall screen for my gigantic porch door and because i'm a shrinking elderly man i can't reach the lock on the top. it's your fault that the lock is at the top and i want you to fix it for me." my solution: grow. or, quit complaining you old grump. you bought the damn door; you knew it was super tall. how else did you expect the lock to be? why, yes, our installer is a strapping young gentleman who is 6 foot 4 and quite capable of reaching the lock at the top. did you have a point? i thought not. too bad we aren't allowed to tell customers to suck it.
Alaska has a strange appeal to me. let me explain: i'm not a super huge fan of snow and ice, i don't participate in any winter sporting endeavors, the Inuit people are not particularly attractive to me, and i can only eat so much fish. but, for some reason, i find myself intrigued by the beauty and scope of the Alaskan wilderness. oh, and then there are the bears. grizzlies fascinate me. i'm in awe of how cuddly they look, their gigantic size, and how majestically dangerous they are. i find myself in this weird limbo where i have no physical desire to travel to Alaska, and yet i want to see what it's like first hand. i guess i will have to start seriously working on my teleportation device...
i'm not sure how, but today a customer managed to make his diminutive height our fault. basically this is his issue: "i bought an overtall screen for my gigantic porch door and because i'm a shrinking elderly man i can't reach the lock on the top. it's your fault that the lock is at the top and i want you to fix it for me." my solution: grow. or, quit complaining you old grump. you bought the damn door; you knew it was super tall. how else did you expect the lock to be? why, yes, our installer is a strapping young gentleman who is 6 foot 4 and quite capable of reaching the lock at the top. did you have a point? i thought not. too bad we aren't allowed to tell customers to suck it.
Alaska has a strange appeal to me. let me explain: i'm not a super huge fan of snow and ice, i don't participate in any winter sporting endeavors, the Inuit people are not particularly attractive to me, and i can only eat so much fish. but, for some reason, i find myself intrigued by the beauty and scope of the Alaskan wilderness. oh, and then there are the bears. grizzlies fascinate me. i'm in awe of how cuddly they look, their gigantic size, and how majestically dangerous they are. i find myself in this weird limbo where i have no physical desire to travel to Alaska, and yet i want to see what it's like first hand. i guess i will have to start seriously working on my teleportation device...
7.20.2010
DAY EIGHT ~ 7.20
bras are really great. know how i can state this with confidence? i wear them. daily. unlike the larger woman i saw walking, or should i say flopping, down the sidewalk today. i don't know that she has ever been introduced to the lingerie department. who am i kidding? i can't even bet on her being able to spell or pronounce lingerie. there was a perfect outline in her shirt of her large dangling boobs, clearly visible from my car several feet away. the movement of them across the top of her protruding mid-section was both disturbing and mesmerizing. they swayed like the pendulum on a disgusting flesh clock, ticking in time to her slow, lumbering steps. victoria's secret? she never kept time with her unbound breasts.
how does a nerd waste time? i'll tell you because i am both a nerd and a great time waster. tonight i spent more time than i care to admit finding, taking and analyzing the results of a Myers-Briggs personality test online. no surprise results here. i'm an ENFJ - extroverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. which, i think you could determine after spending approximately 2.7 minutes with me. but thanks for confirming my self-awareness, online personality test. i appreciate the confidence boost.
last night, for the first time this season i watched an episode of The Bachelorette. i know, i know. trust me, i'm embarrassed by how absorbed i got. but for knowing nothing about these people, and not really caring (until last night) about who Ali picks (i didn't even know her name until last night and now we're on a first name basis), i will say that girlfriend's in for a rough finale. she's got two winners left. i mean, they both stole my first-time viewer heart last night in the 2 hours i watched of them canoodling with her on tahitian islands. sadly, i know what i'll be doing monday night 2 weeks from now...because next week is the reunion special, and i'm not wasting my time on that garbage. hah.
how does a nerd waste time? i'll tell you because i am both a nerd and a great time waster. tonight i spent more time than i care to admit finding, taking and analyzing the results of a Myers-Briggs personality test online. no surprise results here. i'm an ENFJ - extroverted, intuitive, feeling, judging. which, i think you could determine after spending approximately 2.7 minutes with me. but thanks for confirming my self-awareness, online personality test. i appreciate the confidence boost.
last night, for the first time this season i watched an episode of The Bachelorette. i know, i know. trust me, i'm embarrassed by how absorbed i got. but for knowing nothing about these people, and not really caring (until last night) about who Ali picks (i didn't even know her name until last night and now we're on a first name basis), i will say that girlfriend's in for a rough finale. she's got two winners left. i mean, they both stole my first-time viewer heart last night in the 2 hours i watched of them canoodling with her on tahitian islands. sadly, i know what i'll be doing monday night 2 weeks from now...because next week is the reunion special, and i'm not wasting my time on that garbage. hah.
7.19.2010
DAY SEVEN ~ 7.19
mondays don't suck as much when they are just another in a long string of sucky days. but if any day of the week were the one to suck, i'm glad monday got the job. i wouldn't want my saturdays to be wrecked just because we shifted the work week to save monday's reputation. so, monday, you remain the patsy, the fall guy, the scapegoat. and i will respect you for taking it well.
alright headache, i give. i will nurse you with funfetti cake and an early bedtime. hopefully falling asleep to Pirates of the Caribbean again will help too.
alright headache, i give. i will nurse you with funfetti cake and an early bedtime. hopefully falling asleep to Pirates of the Caribbean again will help too.
7.18.2010
DAY SIX ~ 7.18
if you have to put your child on a leash, maybe you shouldn't have children. or, you could get a dog. but only if you can properly care for it. on second thought, maybe fish are the way to go for you just yet. or plants. start with a nice ficus.
i don't care if you enjoy the comedy of Dane Cook or not, the "nothing fight" is real, and i witnessed one live. in all it's ridiculous glory. some choice quotes: (in annoying girl voice) "you seriously could have marked on the pavement where my feet were and they would have been in the same spot. cuz i didn't move." and "first of all, i didn't move. and second, i'm not a dog. you can't just tell me to stay and expect me to stay in that spot." (response in macho manly voice) "oh, so you are saying you moved?" (girl, nearly squealing) "no! because i didn't move." (dude) "you basically just said you did. and it's fine, i know you did because you weren't there when i looked for you." it was epic, i tell you. i almost went over to the kettle corn booth for refreshments midway through.
i think my life would be better if i had an unfortunate older brother like Drama (from Entourage). he would wear cut-off sleeves, be unaware of how comparatively unattractive he was, and not understand the comedy he brought to my world. and i would love him. i also wouldn't mind having a Turtle. he's adorable.
when fireman at a nice community street festival offer to put a spray-on tattoo of a butterfly on your 4 year old daughter, for the love of God don't insist she get a tramp stamp! she wanted it on her arm like a respectable pre-schooler. but no. you just had to go there, trashy mom. "like mother, like daughter" is a very sad fate for your little munchkin.
i don't care if you enjoy the comedy of Dane Cook or not, the "nothing fight" is real, and i witnessed one live. in all it's ridiculous glory. some choice quotes: (in annoying girl voice) "you seriously could have marked on the pavement where my feet were and they would have been in the same spot. cuz i didn't move." and "first of all, i didn't move. and second, i'm not a dog. you can't just tell me to stay and expect me to stay in that spot." (response in macho manly voice) "oh, so you are saying you moved?" (girl, nearly squealing) "no! because i didn't move." (dude) "you basically just said you did. and it's fine, i know you did because you weren't there when i looked for you." it was epic, i tell you. i almost went over to the kettle corn booth for refreshments midway through.
i think my life would be better if i had an unfortunate older brother like Drama (from Entourage). he would wear cut-off sleeves, be unaware of how comparatively unattractive he was, and not understand the comedy he brought to my world. and i would love him. i also wouldn't mind having a Turtle. he's adorable.
when fireman at a nice community street festival offer to put a spray-on tattoo of a butterfly on your 4 year old daughter, for the love of God don't insist she get a tramp stamp! she wanted it on her arm like a respectable pre-schooler. but no. you just had to go there, trashy mom. "like mother, like daughter" is a very sad fate for your little munchkin.
7.17.2010
SUPERFLUOUS POST ONE
this song is my life right now. literally. <3
"Teleport: A & B" by: The Spill Canvas
Alright, that's it, I've had enough, I'm on my way to you
It's nauseating and I’m sick of waiting
for all these pointless calls to go through
But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
and the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
Constantly working,
through the mileage in my head
Oh, I'm calculating, yes I'm sick of waiting
How many hours left until I reach your bed?
And no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
and the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
My faith in you could move these mountains I am driving through
It's times like these when I wish I could teleport to you
'cause then we wouldn’t have an issue
We're cleverly, strategically
challenging our fright and insecurities,
and never seem to want to leave
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
Yeah, we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
sidenote: spill is fantastic. really. i'm a little obsessed. mostly thanks to RKT.
"Teleport: A & B" by: The Spill Canvas
Alright, that's it, I've had enough, I'm on my way to you
It's nauseating and I’m sick of waiting
for all these pointless calls to go through
But no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
and the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
Constantly working,
through the mileage in my head
Oh, I'm calculating, yes I'm sick of waiting
How many hours left until I reach your bed?
And no, I'm not a skeptic anymore
At last I see what all of this ridiculous hard work is for
The moisture in the air is begging for release
and the memory of your stare is raining down on me
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
My faith in you could move these mountains I am driving through
It's times like these when I wish I could teleport to you
'cause then we wouldn’t have an issue
We're cleverly, strategically
challenging our fright and insecurities,
and never seem to want to leave
Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
Yeah, we would be, we would be frantically melting
into one massive point
that could overcome anything
sidenote: spill is fantastic. really. i'm a little obsessed. mostly thanks to RKT.
DAY FIVE ~ 7.17
old lady cleavage is one of the most unappealing things i've ever seen. when an elderly female intentionally chooses to force the unsuspecting public to see her wrinkled teat, it's overwhelmingly disgusting. sadly, though, it falls into the whole train-wreck paradigm. i wanted so badly to burn my eyes out, but i couldn't look away from her sagging breasts.
Orlando Bloom is unnecessarily greasy in Pirates of the Caribbean. he glistens. and not in a "he's sexy because he glows" kind of way, but more in a "does he have a glandular disorder?" way. i worry that his pores are constantly weeping. he is also certainly not drinking enough water to stay hydrated.
which is sadder? that i've watched America's Funniest Home Videos nearly everyday for the past week, or that i've seen the same videos several times and yet i still laugh every time. if they are equally sad, then don't worry. neither is true...
part of my job is to work our vendor booth at various community events (festivals, farmers markets, etc.). at today's festival there was a booth somewhere doing updo hairstyles for little girls with curls, lots of hairspray, pretty twists and braids, and silk flowers. sounds cute, right? i thought so, too, until i heard one grandma say to her granddaughter "that hair makes you look like a goddamn hippie. or a hooker. or your mother." it didn't sound like any of those was something to hope for. the small child didn't really seem phased either. i guess if my mom was a brokedown hippie hooker i'd be pretty jaded, too.
Orlando Bloom is unnecessarily greasy in Pirates of the Caribbean. he glistens. and not in a "he's sexy because he glows" kind of way, but more in a "does he have a glandular disorder?" way. i worry that his pores are constantly weeping. he is also certainly not drinking enough water to stay hydrated.
which is sadder? that i've watched America's Funniest Home Videos nearly everyday for the past week, or that i've seen the same videos several times and yet i still laugh every time. if they are equally sad, then don't worry. neither is true...
part of my job is to work our vendor booth at various community events (festivals, farmers markets, etc.). at today's festival there was a booth somewhere doing updo hairstyles for little girls with curls, lots of hairspray, pretty twists and braids, and silk flowers. sounds cute, right? i thought so, too, until i heard one grandma say to her granddaughter "that hair makes you look like a goddamn hippie. or a hooker. or your mother." it didn't sound like any of those was something to hope for. the small child didn't really seem phased either. i guess if my mom was a brokedown hippie hooker i'd be pretty jaded, too.
7.16.2010
DAY FOUR ~ 7.16
we got a message on our answering machine today with the "you have reached a number that is no longer in service" recording. how is that possible? but really, how?
at risk of sounding like a super fatty, funfetti cake with rainbow chip frosting is probably one of the most amazing desserts ever. all those who know me are well acquainted with my deep and lasting adoration of all that is cake. so, putting one cake on a pedestal above all others is really saying something. funfetti is a king among peasants, an angel surrounded by whores. it is the cake that all other cakes strive to be--the Martin Luther King, Jr. of baked goods.
alright, that's all i've got today. with a nearly non-stop day at work, my brain can barely be witty and insightful about a favorite subject like cake, let alone much of anything else. also, i'm still using a fair bit of brain space to figure out how the mis-dail recording lady called us...and what she really wanted to talk about.
at risk of sounding like a super fatty, funfetti cake with rainbow chip frosting is probably one of the most amazing desserts ever. all those who know me are well acquainted with my deep and lasting adoration of all that is cake. so, putting one cake on a pedestal above all others is really saying something. funfetti is a king among peasants, an angel surrounded by whores. it is the cake that all other cakes strive to be--the Martin Luther King, Jr. of baked goods.
alright, that's all i've got today. with a nearly non-stop day at work, my brain can barely be witty and insightful about a favorite subject like cake, let alone much of anything else. also, i'm still using a fair bit of brain space to figure out how the mis-dail recording lady called us...and what she really wanted to talk about.
7.15.2010
DAY THREE ~ 7.15
dear 7-11 franchise owner near me: first of all, you are no papa moe. but who is, really? secondly, and most importantly, why do your slurpee flavors always suck? banana? are you kidding? no one likes banana. all i wanted was mountain dew. or pina colada. you know...something normal. but noooo. i got thrown a banana curve-ball. yuck. please re-assess your choices in accordance with my desires. yours begrudgingly, claire.
a Jeopardy contestant just said he wants to name his daughter "evil." that's pretty sick nasty. she will surely grow to hate him for it, or go the way of the suburban slut to rebel. either way, he's screwed. plus he's not really allowed to do the crazy as cool name thing, he's no celebrity.
i don't generally think of myself as overly trusting, but when a telemarketer says "i'm gonna make this brief," i certainly don't expect him to talk for a full minute and a half without a breath. are you a champion swimmer, sir? or perhaps a seasoned trombone player? because that's some lung capacity you've got. oh, and to answer your eventual question, no. always no.
milk and i have one thing in common: oreo is our favorite cookie. oh, and we are both super white. so i guess it's two things. either way, pass me the oreos, milk. let's get our share on.
new goal for the summer: read an effing book. i love reading, and i have a stack of choice novels just waiting for me. first on the list? finish "A Clockwork Orange." aaaand go.
a Jeopardy contestant just said he wants to name his daughter "evil." that's pretty sick nasty. she will surely grow to hate him for it, or go the way of the suburban slut to rebel. either way, he's screwed. plus he's not really allowed to do the crazy as cool name thing, he's no celebrity.
i don't generally think of myself as overly trusting, but when a telemarketer says "i'm gonna make this brief," i certainly don't expect him to talk for a full minute and a half without a breath. are you a champion swimmer, sir? or perhaps a seasoned trombone player? because that's some lung capacity you've got. oh, and to answer your eventual question, no. always no.
milk and i have one thing in common: oreo is our favorite cookie. oh, and we are both super white. so i guess it's two things. either way, pass me the oreos, milk. let's get our share on.
new goal for the summer: read an effing book. i love reading, and i have a stack of choice novels just waiting for me. first on the list? finish "A Clockwork Orange." aaaand go.
7.14.2010
DAY TWO ~ 7.14
watching Disney movies as an adult is relatively earth-shattering. i now have a strong dislike for Jasmine, recognize that every animal sidekick acts like a dog whether or not they are one (ex: Raja, Abu), and fully acknowledge that the vast majority of my vocabulary comes from the "bad guys" who sound more intelligent than everyone else. Jafar may be a bully, but at least he knows the word "pungent." maybe falling asleep to Aladdin was not the wisest choice...
okay, Lady Gaga. i give. all of your songs are so damn catchy and make me want to dance. i know all the words and sing along in the car like a diva. i can no longer pretend to hate you for all that you are, especially because you can legitimately sing. truce? oh, but i won't support your crazy. oookay?
Comcast takes a lot of crap, but for a ginormous company they offer pretty fantastic customer service support. Sophie and i have never met, but i feel as though we are besties after my 20 minute "i have no idea what HDMI is, but i don't think the cable likes me" call to her last night. i'm almost wishing something else goes kaput tonight just so i can chat with her again. maybe we will go out for coffee or something. i think a meal is too forward, we did just meet yesterday. and by meet i mean "speak nearly anonymously on the phone."
i'm glad random strangers appreciate my sense of fashion. thank you, older gentleman, for liking the shoes my sweet boyfriend bought for me. yes, in fact, they are super comfortable, not to mention cute. and it is much appreciated, nondescript fellow Starbucks patron, that you think my "top" is "oh so very feminine." i would hope it's not masculine, first of all, and secondly, i love when women use the phrase "top." i almost put it on bottom today, but then i thought about you, ma'am. i will surely feel less self-conscious about complimenting passersby on their purse, shoes, leashed child, what have you, now that i can clearly see it is socially acceptable.
okay, Lady Gaga. i give. all of your songs are so damn catchy and make me want to dance. i know all the words and sing along in the car like a diva. i can no longer pretend to hate you for all that you are, especially because you can legitimately sing. truce? oh, but i won't support your crazy. oookay?
Comcast takes a lot of crap, but for a ginormous company they offer pretty fantastic customer service support. Sophie and i have never met, but i feel as though we are besties after my 20 minute "i have no idea what HDMI is, but i don't think the cable likes me" call to her last night. i'm almost wishing something else goes kaput tonight just so i can chat with her again. maybe we will go out for coffee or something. i think a meal is too forward, we did just meet yesterday. and by meet i mean "speak nearly anonymously on the phone."
i'm glad random strangers appreciate my sense of fashion. thank you, older gentleman, for liking the shoes my sweet boyfriend bought for me. yes, in fact, they are super comfortable, not to mention cute. and it is much appreciated, nondescript fellow Starbucks patron, that you think my "top" is "oh so very feminine." i would hope it's not masculine, first of all, and secondly, i love when women use the phrase "top." i almost put it on bottom today, but then i thought about you, ma'am. i will surely feel less self-conscious about complimenting passersby on their purse, shoes, leashed child, what have you, now that i can clearly see it is socially acceptable.
7.13.2010
DAY ONE ~ 7.13
why is the foam on chai tea so great?
boyfriends are super, and mine is the "bees knees." <3
the hatred i felt getting up extra early to take my dog to daycare just proves i'm not ready for children.
i need to come up with a system for announcing sarcasm via text. this would prevent much confusion in my life and potentially bring me my well-deserved 15 minutes of fame.
i think someone should pay me for being consistently awesome. my desired salary is $30000, but i'm willing to settle for more if they feel it is deserved. i'm pretty sure it is. oh, and if they would like to pay for my relocation to Chicago we can discuss preferred payment methods.
a man said "absotively posilutely" to me today and i smiled. thanks, sir, for being just as bizarre as my family. you made me feel right at home on that sales call.
boyfriends are super, and mine is the "bees knees." <3
the hatred i felt getting up extra early to take my dog to daycare just proves i'm not ready for children.
i need to come up with a system for announcing sarcasm via text. this would prevent much confusion in my life and potentially bring me my well-deserved 15 minutes of fame.
i think someone should pay me for being consistently awesome. my desired salary is $30000, but i'm willing to settle for more if they feel it is deserved. i'm pretty sure it is. oh, and if they would like to pay for my relocation to Chicago we can discuss preferred payment methods.
a man said "absotively posilutely" to me today and i smiled. thanks, sir, for being just as bizarre as my family. you made me feel right at home on that sales call.
HEY GIRL HEY
since i'm as funny as i am and not enough people get to experience it on a daily basis, i've decided to take my funny on the world wide web.
my plan: to write a blog with daily musings from the life of me.
my current status: as of now, my brain is mostly focused on getting through the next couple months living at home (yuck) so that i can move back to my beloved Chicago in October. this means, most of my posts from now until then will be about the arduous process to get there. once i arrive in the windy city i plan to post a photo each day (a la my muse HayHay).
soooo...here goes.
my plan: to write a blog with daily musings from the life of me.
my current status: as of now, my brain is mostly focused on getting through the next couple months living at home (yuck) so that i can move back to my beloved Chicago in October. this means, most of my posts from now until then will be about the arduous process to get there. once i arrive in the windy city i plan to post a photo each day (a la my muse HayHay).
soooo...here goes.
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